Heavens Call

Too Long

2011-01-09T23:12:00.002-06:00

It has been a really long time since I posted on here. It has been on my heart for a while to get back to it, and I admit I have been lazy about it. As I read over some older posts I am truly amazed at what God has done in my life over the past almost 2 years. Yet with all He has taught me I realize more than ever how little I know. I don't know if anyone will ever read these posts but this is something God has again laid on my heart so I want to be obedient. And maybe one day when my children are older, if the Lord tarries they will read this and see the journey God has taken me on, and the work He is doing in my life. So much has changed since the last time I posted on here, it's hard to know where to start. God has entrusted us with another Son, yes that makes #3.(a daughter and 2 sons) I am still completely overwhelmed by this amazing responsibility and am leaning on, and trusting completely in Gods amazing grace to walk me through this. We are no longer serving at Ninth Street Christian Center, although I am extremely grateful for all that God taught me in my time there. However by far the greatest difference in my life is how God has and is continuing to adjust my doctrine. He has opened my eyes to a much clearer and more Biblical understanding of the Gospel.And now I want to live every moment of everyday radically for God's glory! In the past I had a few friends who used to read my blog and they commented that there was a lot of stuff to read when I was posting daily (yes, I know I can be a "little" long winded at times) so I don't know if I will post daily, but I will try to post regularly and we will see where God leads.

His Servant
Nick

He's My Only Son

2009-04-21T12:28:00.003-05:00

He's My Only Son
Author Unknown

The day is over, you are driving home. You tune in your radio.You hear a little blurb about a little village in India where some villagers have died suddenly, strangely, of a flu that has never been seen before. Its not influenza, but three of four people are dead, and its kind of interesting, and they are sending some doctors over there to investigate it.

You don't think much about it, but on Sunday, coming home from church, you hear another radio spot. Only they say its not three villagers, its 30,000 villagers in the back hills of this particular area of India, and it's on TV that night. CNN runs a little blurb. People are heading there from the disease center in Atlanta because this disease strain has never been seen before.

By Monday morning when you get up, its the lead story. For its not just India. Its Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran and before you know it, you're hearing this story everywhere and they have coined it now as "the mystery flu." The President has made some comment that he and everyone are praying and hoping that all will go well over there. But everyone is wondering, "How are we going to contain it?" That's when the President of France makes an announcement that shocks Europe. He is closing their borders. No flights from India, Pakistan, or any of the countries where this thing has been seen.

And that's why that night you are watching a little bit of CNN before going to bed. Your jaw hits your chest when a weeping woman is translated from a French news program into English. There's a man lying in a hospital in Paris dying of the mystery flu. It has come to Europe. Panic strikes. As best they can tell, once you get it you have it for a week before you know it. Then you have four days of unbelievable symptoms. And then you die.

Britain closes its borders, but its too late. South Hampton, Liverpool, North Hampton and it's Tuesday morning when the President of the United States makes the following announcement. "Due to a national security risk, all flights to and from Europe and Asia have been canceled. If your loved ones are overseas, I'm sorry. They cannot come back until we find a cure for this thing." Within four days our nation has been plunged into an unbelievable fear. People are talking about "What if it comes to this country"? And preachers on Tuesday are saying "It's the scourge of God."

It's Wednesday night and you are at a church prayer meeting when somebody runs if from the parking lot and yells, "Turn on a radio, turn on a radio!" And while the church listens to a little transistor radio with a microphone stuck up to it, the announcement is made. Two women are lying in a Long Island hospital dying from the mystery flu. Within hours it seems, this thing just sweeps across the country.

People are working around the clock trying to find an antidote. Nothing is working. California, Oregon, Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts. It's as though it's just sweeping in from the borders. And then all of a sudden the news comes out. The code has been broken. A cure can be found. A vaccine can be made. It's going to take the blood of somebody who hasn't been infected and so, sure enough, all through the Midwest, through all those channels of emergency broadcasting, everyone is asked to do one simple thing. Go to your downtown hospital and have your blood type taken. That's all we ask of you. When you hear the sirens go off in your neighborhood, please make your way quickly, quietly and safely, to the hospitals.

Sure enough, when you and your family get down there late on that Friday night, there is a long line and they've got nurses and doctors coming out and pricking fingers and taking blood and putting labels on it. Your spouse and your kids are out there, and they take your blood type and they say, "wait here in the parking lot and if we call your name you can be dismissed and go home." You stand around, scared, with your neighbors, wondering what in the world is going on and if this is the end of the World.

Suddenly a young man comes running out of the hospital screaming. He's yelling a name and waving a clipboard. What? He yells it again! And your son tugs on your jacket and says," Daddy, that's me."

Before you know it, they have grabbed your boy. "Wait a minute. Hold on!" And they say, Its okay, his blood is clean. His blood is pure. We want to make sure he doesn't have the disease. We think he has got the right type. Five tense minutes later, out come the doctors and nurses crying and hugging one another-some are even laughing. It's the first time you have seen anybody laugh in a week, and an old doctor walks up to you and says, "Thank you sir. Your son's blood type is perfect. It's clean, it is pure, and we can make the vaccine."

As the word begins to spread all across that parking lot full of folks, people are screaming and praying and laughing and crying. But then the gray-haired doctor pulls you and your wife aside and says, "May we see you for a moment? We didn't realize that the donor would be a minor and we need.....we need you to sign a consent form."

You begin to sign and then you see that the number of pints of blood to be taken is empty. "H-h-h-ow many pints?" And that is when the old doctor's smile fades and he says, "We had no idea it would be a little child. We weren't prepared. We need it all!"

"But-but. . . .I don't understand. He's my only son!"

"We are talking about the world here. Please sign. We-We need it all!"

"But can't you give him a transfusion?"
"If we had clean blood we would. Please, will you please sign?"

In numb silence you do. Then they say, "would you like to have a moment with him before we begin?" Could you walk back? Could you walk back to that room where he sits on a table saying, "Daddy? Mommy? What's going on?" Could you take his hands and say, "Son, your mommy and I love you and we would never ever let anything happen to you that didn't just have to be. Do you understand that?"

And when that old doctor comes back in and says, "I'm sorry, we've got to get started. People all over the world are dying." Could you leave? Could you walk out while he is saying, "Dad? Mom? Dad? Why. . . .why have you forsaken me?"

And then next week, when they have the ceremony to honor your son, and some folks sleep through it, and some folks don't even bother to come because they have better things to do, and some folks come with just a pretentious smile and just pretend to care. Would you want to jump up and say, "EXCUSE ME! MY SON DIED FOR YOU! MY ONLY SON! DON'T YOU EVEN CARE? DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?"

I wonder, is that what God wants to say?

I used this story as the opening for my last sermon, lately God has really been dealing with me on my view of the cross. I will share more in my next post, but I wanted to post this because it really challenged me.

Worship

2009-04-01T10:56:00.003-05:00

Worship, what is worship? I've heard people say worship is the slow songs we sing, but honestly worship has nothing to do with the tempo of the song and very little to do with the words of the song, because worship is not a song it's a lifestyle. And not merely a lifestyle filled with music and singing but rather a life filled with obedience "He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. (Mark 7:6) I read a analogy this week in a book by John Bevere that really challenged me, he asked what would happen if a wife asked her husband for help with supper and he said no I'm too busy, then later she asked with help cleaning up and he said no he wanted to watch the baseball game, and later yet she asked for help giving the kids bath and he said no yet again. Then after the kids were all in bed he comes up to his wife and says how much he loves her and asks if she wants to go to bed early *wink, wink*, what do you think her response will be? (John Bevere uses this analogy in his book drawing near although I put it in my own words here) Is this any different from how we treat God? We ignore his words all week, at times living lives of blatant disobedience then we come to church on Sunday and sing about how he is "all we ever wanted". Do we really think God is fooled? Amos 5:23-24 says "Away with your noisy hymns of praise! I will not listen to the music of your harps. Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, an endless river of righteous living." (NLT). Lets look at the first place the word worship appears in scripture Genesis 22:15 "And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.". Abraham was not going to go sing a slow song, he was going to obey God and offer his son. I am convinced many of us have never been asked by God to do anything as hard as what God asked of abraham, and yet many of us are not nearly as obedient. I believe with my whole heart that God is looking for people totally sold out to Him, that He is calling all of us to lives of worship, lives of total obedience to Him. John 14:21 "He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him." and verse 23 "Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him." we can live in intimate fellowship with the father through obedience this is a life of worship! And God is looking for worshipers John 4:23 "But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him." Lord please forgive me for the times I've made worship just a slow song, for the times I have ignored and disobeyed you. Holy Spirit please help me to live a life of total obedience, forgive me for the times I've grieved you. Father I want to dwell in your presence, for better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. In Jesus Name, Amen

Truth or Not?

2009-03-18T09:30:00.004-05:00

I've been told I preach hard, a friend of mine likes to tell me I'll never have crowds following me to hear me preach. And to be honest that's okay with me, my concern isn't with whether people are going to like what I say, or if they will come back but with whether what I say is in line with scripture. I believe, truth is truth, and when we listen to someone preaching or teaching the question we have to ask ourselves is this, "does what they are saying line up with God's word?" and if it doesn't reject it, if it does then if we are truly His disciples the only choice we have is to listen and obey it, not because some preacher said so but because Gods word said so. I want to be, and I want everyone who ever listens to me to be like the Bereans who Scripture says "These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so." (Acts 17:11) way to often we go to church and listen to a sermon, maybe even say amen to it, but then leave church and forget all about it, sadly we even do this when reading Gods word. Even worse many people don't even open there bibles accept on rare occasions and at church (if there churches don't have PowerPoint, otherwise they don't even open them at church). Now most of us who call ourselves Christians would say we love Jesus but He says John 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments. (see also John 14:21, 1 John 2:4, 1John 5:3) yet many people don't even know what His commandment are or worse know them but don't think He meant them. Jesus said "And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46) I think Jesus would ask most of us the same question, I know it is a question He has been asking me a lot lately. And yes He does tell us to study scripture 2 Timothy 2:15 "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." or Psalm 1:1-2 "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night." so today I want to challenge you, have you been spending time in God's word are you hiding God's word in your heart (Psalm 119:11) are you allowing God's word to be the light for your path (Psalm 119:35) when you hear someone talk about the things of God, do you ask "does scripture support this?" and if it does do you take it as if God said it, or do you shrug it off as something some preacher or fellow Christian said?

Living In The Days Ahead

2009-03-05T08:50:00.005-06:00

There is a song that has really been challenging and encouraging me a lot lately, it's by a group called 33 Miles and the song is "What Could Be Better" if you haven't heard it yet I encourage you to go to YouTube and check it out. (33 Miles - What Could Be Better) for the past two weeks I've been reading and re-reading Philippians and there have been a few things God has been teaching. I heard this song for the first time in the car a few weeks ago and I knew God was speaking to me that I needed to start living in the days ahead, that I need to live with a eternal mindset. And then as I was reading Philippians 3:18-19 "(For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)" look at who the Holy Spirit says are enemies of the cross those "who mind earthly things". As I read Philippians these words seemed to jump off the page at me and instantly God brought Colosians 3:1-3 "If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God." to mind. There are times when you read Gods word and something catches your attention, a answer to a question or confirmation and there are times God shows you something and we give our assent to it but it stops there as head knowledge, but then there are times when God just has you keep reading and re-reading the same thing. (at least for me) As I kept reading these verses something happened it went from a head knowledge to heart knowledge, as I read it the first few times I was nodding my head and thinking this is so true, but as I kept reading it became more than a simple truth to be agreed with it was as if this truth flooded my heart. My treasure is in heaven, and it's the greatest treasure in the world, yet so many times I have put my affections on the things of this world. I have chased the American dream "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" so many times instead of chasing the high calling of Christ Jesus. We make jokes about Christians looking like they sucked on a pickle or drank lemon juice for communion because there is so many Christians without joy, and i believe a big reason for this is our affections are in the wrong place. When our treasure is Knowing Jesus (Jeremiah 9:24) when we look forward with earnest expectation to the day we will see Him face to face what joy should fill our soul. Jesus put it this way Matthew 6:19-21 "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.". So many times we struggle to give up the cares of this world, the movies or music we like, the unforgiveness or anger we hold unto, the fear that keeps us from obedience. All because we have put our affections on our popularity, our money, our comfort, and our pleasure, but when we have truly put our affections on Jesus we can give up anything for Him and feel like we are making a good deal. And this is precisely where many of us miss it we give stuff up for Jesus but we don't really believe we made a good deal and so it's hard to have a real joy about it. Matthew 13:44 "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field." So from now on I'm living in the days ahead, and I can't stop celebrating in my soul, nothing on earth could ever compare, I can't wait for the day I get there, when I see Jesus face to face, tell me WHAT COULD BE BETTER!!!!!!

My Son's Testimony

2009-03-03T09:20:00.004-06:00

If you have been reading my blog you know that God has been dealing with me a lot on the issue of trusting Him, especially with my family. Last Wednesday the kids were down for the night, when all of a sudden my son started crying and I mean really crying, we ran to his room to see what was the matter and all he would say was he hurt, as he sat on my lap I tried to get him to tell me what hurt, and all he would do is cry. Thinking it was probably a upset stomach I ran out to get him some Seven-Up, when I got back he was still crying, my wife said she thought his stomach felt really hard and thought maybe it was appendicitis, as I sat on the chair holing him and praying, I'll be honest there was a real battle going on in my head, was it appendicitis or just a tummy ache, I kept trying to get him to tell me what hurt but his eyes seemed a little glassy and he just couldn't seem to focus enough to answer he just kept crying. As I rocked him and prayed for him after about thirty minutes he dozed off but he wasn't asleep for more than five minutes before he was up crying again over and over this went on fifteen to thirty minutes of crying, a few minutes of sleep. A few times his breathing got really raspy like he was having a asthma attack. By midnight I was really struggling I can't explain all that I was feeling but when your holding your son knowing something is wrong, but no idea what, your mind begins to work overtime. And as I prayed for him, a battle raged in my mind, should I take him to the hospital, or trust God totally for his healing. I'll be honest that this should probably be a easy question, but in light of the churches (myself included) track record it wasn't. I kept thinking we prayed for mom, we prayed for Malachi, and yet they were not healed. as this battle was going on in my head another one was going on in my heart, for the last few weeks I had been studying the story of Abraham and Isaac, and how Abraham so totally trusted God with his son. What I was going through was nothing like what God asked of Abraham but let me tell you the battle inside me over whether or not I would trust God with my son was still intense. Would I trust God with my son no matter what happened, would I choose to love God and follow Him even if the unthinkable happened. I know this all probably sounds crazy, I didn't even know there was something seriously wrong with my son so why I was even thinking thoughts like this I'm not sure, but what I know was that at two in the morning these thoughts were very real. As I prayed I began to pour my heart out to God, I told Him I loved Him that I would choose to trust Him no matter what, that I believed He was the Lord our healer, that I knew the fear wasn't from Him but it was still very real for me. I told Him how much I loved and needed my son and that I really wanted to believe, I asked Him to increase my faith to help me with my unbelief. I told Him that I knew He was not only able to heal my son but willing to heal him and that even though I didn't have all the answers for why mom and Malachi were not healed, I trusted His Word. I have no idea what was wrong with my son, all I know was he spent most of the night crying, that he would go from burning up to being cold, that one minute he wanted to be held and the next minute he didn't want anything touching him, that at times he sounded like he was having a asthma attack and sometimes it was a struggle to get him to focus when I asked him a question. I have no idea if it was something very serious or not, but this is what I know I have never been as scared for my family as I was that night, and what I know is that in those hours between midnight and four in the morning, my son needed a healing and I needed God and He gave us both exactly what we needed! Praise God we both fell asleep sometime after four and the next day my son was tired but all the symptoms were gone, whether it was something serious or not doesn't matter to me, but as for me and my family we will continue to praise God because we are forever grateful for God's healing touch big or small. THANK YOU JESUS !!!!

7 weeks ago (pt3)

2009-02-24T11:51:00.002-06:00

okay, so seven weeks ago is now more like 9 weeks ago, I've had a few friends tell me my posts are so long it takes them a few days to get through them. So I'm trying to give them a chance to catch up between posts, but since that night God has been teaching me so much and doing such a incredible work in my heart it's hard to keep up in this post. I didn't know I could be more challenged than I was after that night as God asked me if I could die for Him, but then as i was listening to a song by Jeff and Sherri Easter called "I Just Wanted You to Know" I was challenged even further I began to look at the story of Abraham again Genesis 22:2-3 "And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of. And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him."
A week ago I asked myself if I could stand up for Jesus if they were gonna hurt my kids if I didn't deny Him, did I love Jesus that much was I that committed to Him, but what if God Himself asked me what He asked of Abraham? Now remember although Abraham believed God could raise Isaac from the dead, unlike you and me he didn't know the end of the story like we do, he actually went in obedience expecting to sacrifice his son. And even more challenging is this statement "and Abraham rose up early in the morning..." Abraham didn't wait, he didn't argue, He immediately moved in obedience. God asks me to give up little unimportant things and it still takes me weeks to obey at times. Let me give you a example, I have strong convictions about witchcraft, I believe that the bible is very clear on what God thinks about it, so I choose not to watch movies like harry potter or play games like dungeons & dragons, or world of warcraft. Then one day someone challenged me they told me I was being legalistic, that there was a great mission field in the game, so I tried a similar game called last chaos and I loved it, I got to share my faith with people on a almost daily basis and since my character was not a magical one I told myself it was okay, I even called a accountability partner and asked him if he thought it was okay, and he said it was okay even gave me a bible verse. (though to be fair I think I misrepresented the game to him I downplayed the magic in the game and told Him about the mission field, I just wanted to have him say it was okay so I could ignore the nagging in my conscience, since then he has challenged me and encouraged me to quit the game) But every time I played it there was a small voice questioning me after months of disobedience I quit the game, I still miss it and hoped I would find out I was just being legalistic as a matter of fact I have kept it on my computer until now. (I am uninstalling it as I write this) I believe with everything in me that God is calling His children out, that He is asking us to be different, I believe that the church in America has been largely lukewarm at best. That we (myself included) have played with the devils toys, watched the devils movies, listened to the devils music, and then wondered why we need man made programs to power the church, why there is little or no evidence of Holy Ghost power in our lives and churches and this is one of the reasons we still love the world and not only love the world but many times love the world more than we love God James 4:4 "Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." I have a long way to go, giving up "last chaos" is a long way from what God asked of Abraham but I pray from now on I'll obey with instant obedience and that with Gods help I'll be ruthless at getting rid of everything in my life that displeases God. So He can say of me the same thing He told Abraham Genesis 22:12 "And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me."

7 weeks ago (pt 2)

2009-02-18T14:40:00.003-06:00

In my last post I shared that my anger was getting the best of me, well God really began working on me about this. I know it's easy to tell someone not to be angry, but it's not so easy to just quit being angry. As God began to deal with me on this I knew God wanted me to let my anger go I just didn't know how but as I prayed God showed me I had to start with forgiveness. Hebrew 12:15 says "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;" this was happening in my life. let me back up for a second, I was raised in a church that professed the "deeper Word" and believed in divine healing, this was the church my mom and most of my family still attended when my mom died. Now while I still believe that divine healing is promised in scripture as part of Christs work on the cross. When mom died I felt like everyone around me made excuses for it. I heard people say "it was God's will for her to die", "that it was her time to go", and "that we just don't know why she wasn't healed" bear with me for a second and lets look at a few verses in scripture Isaiah 53:4-5 "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." healing is part of the atoning work of Calvary, I know some of you are saying that this is spiritual healing but look at Matt 8:16-17 "When the even was come, they brought unto him many that were possessed with devils: and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all that were sick: That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses." if Isaiah was talking about spiritual healing why does Matthew refer to it in regards to physical healing? According to Exodus 15:26 "And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee." I know that this promise was given specifically to the Israelites but if God says that He is the Lord that heals, and He doesn't change why would we think he doesn't heal anymore? Psalm 103:3-4 says "Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;" I don't have any idea how many people Jesus healed when He was here in the flesh, but I know it says in several places that they brought there sick to Him and He healed them all, and John 21:25 says "And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen." and while I freely admit that Jesus did not heal everyone in Israel while He was here I can't find one example of someone who came to Him for a healing and He turned them away, so though Jesus did not heal everyone, it appears He healed all who came to Him. and sorry but you can't use Lazarus, I hear people say He didn't heal Lazarus and there right but He didn't just let him stay dead either. James 5:14-15 "Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him." . And here was my problem my mom called the elders of her church they prayed for her and in my opinion obviously failed. I know I am just as guilty of this failure as anyone else (read my post "the day that changed my life" to see my personal struggle with this failure) but in this moment of loss and hurt and confusion I looked to the leaders around me, the pastors and elders I had grown up respecting my current pastors and they all seemed to be making excuses, I was a hurting and angry young man asking those who had been saved a lot longer than me for answers and they had none, so with every excuse they made I became more angry. I was angry that mom was dead but even more angry because the leaders I had looked up to, the ones who had been saved so much longer than me, some longer than I had even been alive, the ones who said they were teaching the "deeper truths" and where my role models of spiritual maturity had not only failed miserably they seemed okay with it. ( I firmly believe unless we seek God for why we failed and change what He shows us we are okay with losing) Anyway that night as God was dealing with me about how serious I was about Him, I saw my arrogance for over three years I have not quit asking God why did mom die? how could we have lost such a serious battle? and how do I make sure it never happens again? and I became arrogant because I felt that I was searching for answers that leaders far my senior didn't know and seemed content not knowing. I can't explain all that happened that night, I still miss mom like crazy but now it hurts before I buried the hurt with anger. I still believe it is God's will to heal, I believe we lost that battle but I have forgiven the church, I have forgiven myself. And it was a truly humbling thought to realize after three years of angry searching I still didn't have the answers when I needed to fight for Baby Malachi. I gave God my anger, and my arrogance that night I repented and He forgave me. (if I have hurt or offended anyone with all this anger and arrogance I am truly sorry and humbly ask your forgiveness) God has given more answers to the questions I've been asking for over 3 years in the past few weeks than in the whole three years combined. But that is for another post, sorry for the length of this post if you have made it all the way through it, thank you for reading and I hope and pray that God will use my story to encourage and challenge you in your walk with Him. Lord willing I'll post the next part in a couple days.

7 weeks ago

2009-02-16T18:52:00.004-06:00

sorry for the long absence, and thank you for all the prayers. For over 3 years now I have been seeking answers for why my mom wasn't healed, after losing the battle for Malachi I was really struggling, it felt like I was in a non-stop battle with depression and my temper was always boiling under the surface (and frequently above the surface). I know that God has been working on me for a while I've been trying to share this journey in my blog but seven or eight weeks ago I was at a breaking point I didn't know where to turn to, many of my friends were tired of my questions it seemed, I had lost respect for most of the church leaders I knew I had nowhere to turn to, so I cried out to God. ( I know all you smart people would have done it sooner and I thought I was but in desperation I cried out and He heard me) And I am not sure if I can put into words all that's happened in the last seven weeks.
God began showing me things, to start with if you had asked me 3 months ago I would have told you I was a serious Christian and that I felt I was fairly radical in my faith but as I was praying God kept giving me one Bible verse I knew it was what He wanted me to preach on but I didn't know what He was trying to teach me so I just kept praying, for two weeks all I got was this one verse, then Saturday night before I was supposed to preach I still only had this one verse. I was willing to get up Sunday and just read that verse, but as I asked God if there was more I kept thinking about some of the stories I'd read in "Voice of the Martyrs" and I felt lead to read "Jesus Freaks" which is unusual because I try to stay away from reading other books as I'm preparing my sermon I want to hear from God not just repeat a author. Yet as I read story after story of people who died for their faith I knew what God was asking me, did I love Him that much, was I that committed to Him? I asked myself what would I have done in these brave Martyrs shoes, would I have stood strong even under torture and death, I didn't know, then it got harder would I remain true if would cost my wife or children torture? up to this point my whole family had been asleep, but then my son woke up and came and crawled in my lap. I gave God my most honest answer I didn't think I was strong enough if they were hurting my son I didn't know what I'd do, at that moment I realized I probably loved my son more than God. And then I felt as though God asked me the question "how did I think I would die for Jesus if I wasn't even willing to live for Him?" some of these fellow believers rejoiced that they were counted worthy to suffer for Jesus, and I don't even want to share my faith at times because I might get laughed at. I have heard horror stories of what happens in some parts of the world if you accept Jesus, your family might disown you and take away your home and jobs or they might torture and kill you. If the cost of being a disciple of Jesus was that high how many of us would choose to follow? Here in America we want every head bowed and every eye closed so no one will know we said a prayer, if we can't even acknowledge being a Christian in church what makes us think we would die for Him? My sermon title "how serious are we?" and I answered for me, in the past I watched movies I'm sure Jesus would not have, I've laughed at jokes Jesus would not have, I've listened to music Jesus would not have, I have not prayed as Jesus would have, etc. How serious was I? serious up to the point I was comfortable. The verse God gave me 2 Timothy 2:19 "Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, the Lord knoweth them that are his. And, let everyone that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity." That night I re-dedicated my life to God not as someone who had left and was coming back to Him but as one who had become complacent and lukewarm as someone who had become good at making excuses for the lack of holiness in my life and I repented for justifying sin in my life. I know I may get labeled as legalistic but there is no place in my life anymore for most of the movies and television shows I used to watch or some of the music I used to listen too. My relationship with Jesus is too precious to risk breaking fellowship with Jesus over the worlds garbage. This was the first step for me and the journey God has taken me on since then has been amazing, so before I get too long winded for anyone too read this I'll share more in the next day or so Lord willing.

Please agree in prayer with me

2008-12-22T10:49:00.000-06:00

Father I am asking you to heal completely baby Malachi your word says I am the Lord that healeth thee(Ex 15:26), by whose stripes you were healed (Is 53:5 and 1 Pet 2:24) who healeth all thy diseases (Ps 103:3) what things soever you desire, when you pray believe that ye recieve them and ye shall have them (Mk 11:24) and this is the confidence we have if we ask anything according to his will we know that he heareth us and if we know that he hear us whatsoever we ask we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him(1 Jn 5:14-15) So Father knowing that you keep your promises (Num 23:19) we are asking in Jesus name for a complete and total healing for baby Malachi and we thank you for that father choosing to walk by faith and not by sight In the precious name of Jesus by whose stripes we are healed we ask this Amen and Amen

Happy Birthday Mom

2008-12-16T18:42:00.001-06:00

I'm not old enough to be a grandma, she'd say,
But you would have been fifty today
so many things have changed since you went away
and we miss you more than words could ever say

Kasandra started school this year
yes I came close to shedding a tear
Isaiah, well he is daddy's little man
and yes he is already a football fan

they are growing so fast you know
i wish you were here to see them grow
there are so many things I wish you could see
how proud of them you would be

Kasandra still asks me why you live so far away
and honestly I still don't know what to say
Mom she gave Jesus her heart
so you won't always be apart

and I admit it's still really hard for me
knowing Isaiah never got to crawl up on your knee
I tell him about the grandma he never knew
and how much i miss you

Sara is still the love of my life
and the worlds greatest, most beautiful wife
most importantly Jesus continues to draw me near
and continues to work on me down here
so until we meet again I just wanted to say
mom I love you and Happy Birthday

what I am struggling with

2008-12-02T10:22:00.002-06:00

thanksgiving is over (hopefully just the holiday and not the lifestyle) what a crazy couple of days it was. I was/am struggling with so many questions at the moment, I told myself I would keep them to myself this holiday weekend. And I really did try, almost succeeded too, but both days i ended up asking someone some of the questions I was struggling with, yes I know most of my friends have heard them all a hundred times already (sorry guys). Honestly I can't put into words what I'm going through (and yes I know that God knows) something is happening inside of me, something I can't explain. I have always had questions but never like this, I'm not questioning if there is a God, or if Jesus is God, I know that Jesus is God, that the bible is His divinely inspired word to us. And my questions are not fueled by my "antagonistic" or "abrasive" personality, there is such a discontentment with in me over the complacency I both feel and see. I understand this great and simple truth "Jesus loves me this I know" and I am so grateful and amazed at His love for me, and yet if that is all there is then why do we have five hundred bazillion different denominations. Is it really enough to just be sincere or can you be sincerely wrong? I am told all the time too stop questioning, stop making it so difficult, and I have tried, really really tried, but I can't seem to stop. at times the desire to know, to be all that God calls, and desires me to be is so intense. I can't put it onto words, but I cannot seem to shake this driving, burning feeling that there is more, and yet at other times it seems so easy to let my flesh win. Yes I know that there is a lot (and I man a LOT) of spiritual immaturity in me, but I want to grow, I want to be like Jesus, and if some people are right and I am exactly where God wants me to be then why this discontentment, if all responsibility is on Gods shoulders to drag us kicking and screaming to maturity why is obedience important? If obedience is important than is it important to obey correct doctrine, or just obey something? If correct doctrine is important then what is correct doctrine , because all the doctrines in the churches can't all be right, some of them are polar opposites? And the questions go on and on, but really what I want to know is what would Jesus do, what would Jesus believe, how do I have the relationship with God that He died to provide? I don't want to know truth so I can merely "be right" or win arguments I want to know so it can change my life, I want the truth of Gods word to transform into the image of His dear Son. I want to be like Jesus, not just talk about being like Him. Yes I know that God is the only one who has some of these answers and I need to go to Him alone for them. I actually began this post to share that last night I read "No Compromise" the biography of Keith Green, I couldn't put it down (I finished it at 5:00 this morning) I was challenged like I've rarely been challenged and yet encouraged, as the tears streamed down my face at the tragic yet victorious ending of the book. I am not Keith Green, thankfully God has not called me to be, God has called me to be Nick, but I want to have a Passion for God like he had, I don't want a nice clean religion I want a relationship with God that permeates every area of my life I want to be absolutely and completely sold out to God. And by Gods grace that is exactly what I am going to seek Him for!

God is Good (the question part 2)

2008-11-25T08:56:00.004-06:00

Well here is the #1 truth that God has shown me while studying the book of Job. There is absolutely NO ONE I love enough that I would give my son for them, yet that is exactly what God did for me. As I have spent the week thinking about this truth it has continually left me amazed, after watching "the passion of the Christ" I wondered to myself what would I have done in Mary's shoes if you were watching roman soldiers brutally beat and kill your son, but honestly what could she have done but watch in horror. But His Father God could have stopped it at anytime with just a word, can you imagine all of heaven watching as sinful man abuses and crucifies the perfect Son of God. I sometimes wonder what the angels thought at that moment in history, did they watch in silent horror, did they ask God to send them to avenge this great injustice? I know we have no idea what the angels were thinking and it's not doctrinally important (hey I admitted I like to question) but as I thought about all of this, one thing is perfectly clear. What great love God has for me that He would pay such a high price to redeem me. I freely admit there is a lot I don't understand and I often ask why. Why wasn't my mom healed when we prayed, why are little children abused, why is a mom coming home from grocery shopping or a dad from the late shift at work killed by a drunk driver, why does a five year old get cancer, and I don't know, but I do know that God loves me, that He gave us the ultimate expression of love in Jesus. So while there are a lot of things I don't understand, and the pain of losing mom is still real I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God loves me, that He is a good God, and I can safely trust in His plan for me. And I am truly amazed at God's immeasurable love for me Romans 8:38-39 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

the question I was asked (part 1)

2008-11-24T08:00:00.001-06:00

Man, what a week it has been, I started out so frustrated with the churches we have tried so far and with no idea where we would try next, yet in the middle of the week someone asked me a question that caused me to really get in the Word and what a amazing finish to the week. So here was the question in a nutshell (if God is a good God, Father to the fatherless, Giver of good things then why did He offer Job up to Satan the way He did, and secondly If you lose your children and then are given new children have you been "restored") I admit this is a simple version of the question(by simple I mean short: not easy to answer)yet as I went to read and re-read Job God began to teach me some things. So allow me to share some of my thoughts and what God has been teaching me. please feel free to respond both to the question and what I am about to share (honest I would love to hear your thoughts). Okay as I was reading Job and talking with everyone I could get a hold of these last few days, here are a few things that began to stand out. First I don't understand why God does some of the things He does (OK a lot of the things He does) but that is actually a good thing if I could understand everything God is and does He would be a pretty small God. Secondly I realized Job was way more spiritually mature than I am look at the way he respond after losing nearly everything (he did not lose God or His relationship with God) in Job 1:22 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly. Wow what a response would I have responded like that had I been asked to endure what he endured? I can tell you that what I have gone through in life was nothing like what Job did and I have not always responded as he did. As I began to pray about this I was reminded of a few things in scripture like the story of three men who would not bow down to a idol there response was Dan 3:16-18 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. wow again a lesson in maturity whether God saved them or not they would obey God. When I face trials do I respond as these men did saying Blessed be the name of the Lord or no matter what I will follow God, I love Hebrews 11 but here are a few verses that really challenge me verse 16 But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city. God was not ashamed to be called their God, many times I have read Job looking at Job's faith in God, but look for a moment at God's faith in Job. God knew that he so completely had Job's heart that no matter what the devil did to Job He would remain true to God. It left me challenged by the question am I that committed to God, does He have my heart that completely could I say with Job "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him..." (Job 13:15)? There is so much more that God has taught me since I took this question to Him, and I know I haven't even begun to answer the actual question yet, but in a effort to keep this post from getting too long I'll pick up this up again tomorrow.

a lesson from my daughter

2008-11-20T09:10:00.000-06:00

Today I am the best dad in the whole world, my daughter just told me so. All because I told her she could wear the outfit she wants to wear to school. I know my job as a parent is to raise my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, not to just be there "friend", but it sure feels great when they run up to you with a big smile on their face, give you a big hug, and say " daddy you are my best dad in the whole world". Parenting isn't always this easy though, sometimes I have to make decisions that are harder than whether its okay to wear a pink shirt to school, and my daughter doesn't always understand why she can't wear shorts outside in November (even if they are pink) , why she can't take the pizza out of the oven or hit her brother when she thinks he deserves it. I must confess i am a lot like my daughter, there are a lot of things about God I don't understand, and there are times I want to cry out "your the best dad in the whole world", but there are times I want to say something closer to the opposite of that. I know that my daughter won't always understand my reasons for the decisions I make, but I am okay with her asking me why I made them. And I think we do God a great disservice when we discourage questions by telling people to have blind faith or giving out pat Sunday school answers. I am glad I don't understand everything God is, or does, what a small God He would be if my little mind could totally comprehend Him. When I make a decision my daughter doesn't approve of she lets me know how unhappy she is with it sometimes she storms off to her room, and sometimes she crawls up in my lap and says "daddy that makes me mad". I must confess I am not fond of the first response but I am not only okay with the second I love it. What a great time to not only teach, but to shower my love on her to let her know that even though I made a decision she doesn't understand or agree with I LOVE HER. So today I am going to continue to grow in my relationship with God by crawling in His lap, telling Him all the things that make me mad, or sad, I am going to rest in His love and look forward to the lessons He is going to teach me. Because I believe God is not only okay with us coming to Him honestly with all our questions and emotions, I think He is waiting for it. Thank you Lord for my wonderful children, I love them with all my heart, yet I know you love them even more, help me to always show them your love. In Jesus Name

Mommy

2008-11-19T08:37:00.000-06:00

Today I was Conceived,
the start of a happy life I believed.
Little by little I began to grow,
it was kind of neat you know.

First my heart began to beat,
then I developed hands and feet.
My body grows in size,
I learn to kick, what a surprise.

I began to move about,
I can't wait to get out.
I know you'll hold me near,
and daddy will probably shed a tear.

"I love you" something I never got to say,
because my life came to an end one day.
I don't understand how this can be,
The mom I love just killed me.

Mommy can I ask you why,
you didn't even try.
Even if things had been rough,
wouldn't love have been enough?

NICK

Needing Prayer

2008-11-17T08:58:00.000-06:00

I know some people believe that Christians should always smile and say everything is great, but honestly that is not how life works, at least not mine. I believe what is important is the fact that even when life gets hard or things get rough God is still good, and that no matter what emotion we are feeling whether we are happy, sad, frustrated, even angry we need to take it to God honestly, after all it's not like He doesn't know how we are feeling. And I must confess today I'm feeling frustrated, I am so tired of looking for a good church. I am actually beginning to wonder if one exists in the whole state of Wisconsin. I know some of my friends reading this are thinking "Nick there is no perfect church", and honestly I'm not looking for perfect, but I would like biblical. Now obviously I don't know everything and am probably wrong on some of the things I think are biblical or unbiblical. Yet sometimes I hear preachers take such tremendous liberties with the text it makes me wonder if we are reading the same bible. I'll be the first to admit I have questions, and I don't understand everything in the bible but honestly I am so tired of man made doctrines, and the pathetic hoopla we pawn off as demonstrations of the Holy Spirit. Why can't the bible mean exactly what it says, that if sick people call for the elders the prayer of faith will make them better(God through the prayer of faith; I know. I know)or why doesn't baptism in the Holy Spirit give us boldness to share our faith or power from on high like it did in acts, instead of making us run around like animals or roll on the floor laughing. I want to be a part of a Word and Power church, I want to see God move in power as He did in the days of the New Testament but I also want to believe the Bible for what it says and not for what I want it to say. I'm not looking for something new, I want to find the old paths, the ones Jesus and his apostles walked. I'll gladly trade all our man made programs and fancy preaching for some biblical demonstrations of God's love and Holy Spirit power. I want to gather with a group of believers who want to study Gods word to be workmen unashamed, who want take what GOD teaches us and live by it. I want to be in a church where the Holy Spirit is more than a good feeling in worship, but where He convicts us of sin, teaches us about Jesus, and continues to conform us into the image of Jesus. Yes I want to see miracles, I want to see healing and deliverance's, But most of all I want to see changed lives! I want to be part of a family where we love each other in spite of all are shortcomings, yet also challenge and encourage one another (spur one another on) I want to be a part of a church that is changing its world, because lets be honest Jesus original disciples changed their world so why shouldn't His disciples today? Okay I'll admit it I want to be a part of a church that looks a lot like the book of Acts, and I am not going to just settle and make excuses for being less than that! Where are God's Elijah's, Paul's, Smith Wigglesworth's, Charles Wesley's, Jonathan Edward's, George Whitefield's, Leonard Ravenhill's? God please send us Godly leaders Men after your own heart, God please make me into a man after your own heart, someone whom you are not ashamed to be called my God.

Some quotes that have challenged me

2008-11-14T08:59:00.000-06:00

Here are some quotes that have really challenged me lately, and I hope they challenge you also!

"There will be a thousand people who, if you get a heart and a vision, will say, "Oh, you've got tunnel vision." Hmm? Well, I think the one reason why the Apostle Paul conquered... and triumphed... and out-smarted us... and out-suffered us... and out-prayed us... and out-sacrificed us... and out-preached us was because he settled for one thing: "This one thing I do."
You've got to have one vision,
You've got to have one heart,
You've got to have one purpose,

"This one thing I do..." I sell out to God's will totally." Leonard Ravenhill

"One of these days some simple soul will pick up the Book of God, read it, and believe it. Then the rest of us will be embarrassed."
-Leonard Ravenhill

"How shall I feel at the judgment, if multitudes of missed
opportunities pass before me in full review, and all my excuses
prove to be disguises of my cowardice and pride?" - W. E. Sangster

"If I could push the door of heaven and you could peep through it for 5 min. you will never backslide! You'd change your lifestyle, you'd change your conversation style, you'd change your eating style, you'd change everything! Listen, you and I are supposed to be eternity conscious; the world out there is blind and dumb and deaf and it's crazy!"

-Leonard Ravenhill, Choosing rather to suffer

"You know, "our" people will warn you: "Don't get too spiritual." You never hear them say, "Don't get too rich. Don't get too much education." but rather, "Don't get too spiritual..."

Do you know why? Because they've been dragging their feet for the last ten to twenty years, and they're afraid you'll get ahead of them." Leonard Ravenhill

"Though the cross of Christ has been beautified by the poet and the artist, the avid seeker after God is likely to find it the same savage implement of destruction it was in the days of old. The way of the cross is still the pain-wracked path to spiritual power and fruitfulness. So do not seek to hide from it. Do not accept an easy way. Do not allow yourself to be patted to sleep in a comfortable church, void of power and barren of fruit. Do not paint the cross nor deck it with flowers. Take it for what it is, as it is, and you will find it the rugged way to death and life. Let it slay you utterly."
-A.W. Tozer

If sinners be dammed, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. If they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees. Let no one GO there UNWARNED and UNPRAYED for. - Charles Spurgeon

If we resort to our senses to discover the truth, we shall find Satan's lies are often enough true to our experience ; but if we refuse to accept as binding anything that contradicts God's Word and maintain an attitude of faith in Him alone, we shall find instead that Satan's lies begin to dissolve and that our experience is coming progressively to tally with that Word.
-Watchman Nee, from the Normal Christian Life

"The disputes causing many denominations and the divisions causing many sects are advanced in the name of "bearing testimony for the truth"! The soulish Christian often exaggerates differences, creating a disparity of opinions, resulting in divisions in the church of God. Jude testified of the same thing: "These are those who make divisions, soulish, having no spirit" (v. 19). This word refers to unregenerated people. However, the fact that soulish men cause separations is seen among believers also. The characteristic of a soulish believer is that he is often the instigator of separations and rivalry."
-Watchman Nee

Standing for truth or Jesus?

2008-11-13T11:32:00.000-06:00

I have said many a time that "I want to stand for truth" often times while defending one of my denominational "truths". I am saddened as I think of how many times I have engaged in heated (passionate?) arguments with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ over some doctrinal stand I felt was important. I am humbled when I think of how many people I offended by standing strongly (even harshly) over a belief I felt was important(ex. speaking in tongues being the initial physical evidence, or it being wrong to celebrate Christmas) I passionately defended the beliefs I was raised with, beliefs I now think are wrong and unbiblical. And in my arrogance I justified it all with wanting to stand for truth. Now am I suggesting we live a life of compromise, not at all, I'm saying instead of standing for truth, lets stand for Jesus (THE TRUTH John 14:6). Leonard Ravenhill said " Your doctrine can be as straight as a gun barrel and just as empty.", Isn't that what truth without love is, empty? I believe many people are asking the same question Pilate asked "what is truth?" but the answer they are looking for is not some dusty theological or doctrinal argument they need to see Jesus. Jesus said people would know I was His not because I stood for truth, but because of my love. So while I still believe that loving Jesus means keeping his commandments, and I want to be a workman not ashamed, correctly dividing the word of truth. I want to speak that truth in love so we may all grow to be more Christlike, and not merely to win doctrinal arguments. These past few weeks this is the verse that God has continually been bringing me back to "Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." (Matthew 22:36-40). This is how I want to live, may everything I do and say be motivated first by absolute and total love for God, and secondly by true love for neighbor. I wonder, if our conversations were filtered through this verse and not our religious colored glasses if we could avoid many of our arguments and divisions? My hearts continued cry is, may I be like Jesus, full of grace and truth, may I love as He loved, and live as He lived. Father through your Holy Spirit please help me to stand for Jesus, teach me thy ways that I may walk in thy truths, God please fill me to overflowing with your amazing love so that in all I do, everywhere I go, your love shines through me! In Jesus Name, Amen

God's peace

2008-11-11T12:15:00.000-06:00

today I woke up with Gods peace in my heart in the midst of all the storms of life, and the upheavel of this work God is doing in my heart, it was great to wake up to the overwhelming peace of God. And as I spent some time in the Word this morning this verse stood out to me "Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings, As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious."(1 Peter 2:1-3). This is what I am seeking God for, the sincere milk of the word that I may grow. I don't want to be sidetracked by man made doctrines, and laws I want to as 2 Peter 3:18 says "But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen." May I ever be more and more like my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, "And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth." full of grace and truth.

religious colored glasses (continued)

2008-11-10T09:30:00.000-06:00

God is continuing to deal with me on my religious colored glasses, they affect not only the views I hold about various doctrines, they affect how I read my bible, and how I look at people. What I mean is, if you have been raised that all drinking (of alcohol) is wrong, or that Christians shouldn't read harry potter then when you see a brother or sister doing that it is really easy to say " I can't believe they are doing that" or something even more judgmental. Maybe I am the only one guilty of this but here is a example, you see some one from your church at a wedding and notice they are drinking, right away you think "what about avoiding the appearance of evil". (or any other one of the verses those who believe all drinking is wrong use) why does the verse where, Jesus turned water into wine (at a wedding) never pop into our heads at that moment? I find even when I am reading my bible these glasses get in the way, I'll read a verse that seems to defend my view point and respond in my heart " see I'm right". I know that's horrible and maybe I'm the only one guilty of being so judgmental, and opinionated but I just can't help wondering if these glasses aren't part of the reason we need so many "labels" as Christians. There are, Baptists and Pentecostals, Lutherans and Methodists, Conservatives and Charismatics, Calvinists and Arminian, liberals and legalistic, and the list goes on and on. I don't want to be known by any of these "labels" I want to be known as a disciple of Jesus Christ, someone who is radically and totally in love with Jesus. When someone thinks of me I want the first thing that comes to their mind not to be, "oh Nick is Charismatic or Arminian" but to be, I think, " Nick looks a lot like Jesus". So today I am going to go humbly to the throne of grace, repent of my tremendous arrogance, and present my body a living sacrifice, asking the potter to make me into a vessel that truly represents His Son. And with the Holy Spirit's help I am going to remain on the cross allowing the Refiners fire to do it's work in me dying totally to my flesh so I may live for Jesus.

Whats God Showing You?

2008-11-07T09:51:00.000-06:00

The Packers play the Vikings this weekend, and it is easy to call friends and ask them what they are doing for the game. But when was the last time we called someone just to ask them what God has been showing them lately? I have a friend who is a viking fan (not a bad idea it gets lots of people to pray for him) and after the game it is easy for one of us to call the other if our team won and give the other a hard time. But when was the last time we called someone because God had showed us something in the Word? Scripture says "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of a friend." (Proverbs 27:17). and, "What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops." (Matthew 10:27) or even "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25 NIV). sharpen one another, spur one another on, speak, just think if we as brothers and sisters in Christ out of love for Jesus and each other would take this serious. What if instead of spending so much time talking about things that won't matter tomorrow we spent our time talking about things that have eternal significance? [Imagine the Good News being good enough to actually share with people] I say all this for several reasons first to encourage everyone who reads this post, to step out and share with someone what God has been showing you. Secondly to let all my friends whose numbers are in my cell phone know to expect some phone calls, because as I continue to ask God about these questions I'm going to be calling you with what God is showing me, and hoping you will be doing the same. Lets "spur" one another on as we continue to gather in Christ's name and His Love, as His immenient return grows closer!

In Christ Alone

2008-11-06T10:15:00.000-06:00

Today in my quiet time God used a song to really minister to my heart, the song, "In Christ Alone (I Stand)" In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my solid ground firm through the fiercest drought and storm (and questions), and from life's first cry to final breath Jesus commands my destiny. This is the truth I know, Jesus is exactly who He said he was, He is the Son of God born of a virgin, though He existed from before time, He lived as one of us for thirty-three years, then He died on Calvary's cruel cross in my place, and all who would accept His free gift, then three days later He rose, He now sits at the fathers right hand to make intercession for His own. I may have a million questions but this I know, Jesus Loves Me for the Bible tells me so. The questions I posted yesterday haven't gone away and I still long to know God's answer to them, I want to be a workman not ashamed who correctly divides the Word of Truth, I want to love Jesus His way, If you love me keep my words, So I'll keep striving to obey. My prayer will remain, God please reveal yourself to me, Holy Spirit teach me of Jesus. As God continues to challenge and peel away layers of religion in my life it is leaving me with a greater hunger to know Christ, so I'll stand on God's promise. (Jeremiah 33:3) "Call onto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." I will say with David "Open thou mine eyes,that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law." (Psalm 119:18)

Needing God's Wisdom

2008-11-05T10:40:00.000-06:00

I must confess I'm still reeling from all that God is doing in me, it is a little overwhelming as a control freak, to be shown how little control you actually have. I am a black and white person, honestly I don't really like gray, I like it when things are either right or wrong. And I spent the majority of my life being raised in a Church that taught things as very black and white, but now I'm not so sure. It' a hard thing (at least for me) when things you've believed for 20 years began to fall into question. For example, I was raised believing it was wrong for a christian to celebrate Christmas something I now disagree with, but what about all these other truths or so-called truths, Christians should not have anything to do with Halloween, should not play D&D, or WoW, or any other RPG, Christians should not read or watch harry potter, Christians should not drink alcohol, Christians should not dance, Christians should not date ( though courtship often looks like dating, in my opinion), Christians should not vote, etc. these were all beliefs I was raised with, and in fairness I can find valid possibly even biblical arguments for some of these beliefs. As a adult I have gone to numerous churches that hold the opposite opinions again with some valid, convincing, and possibly biblical arguments. Now I know some of you are saying these are minor doctrines that don't matter, But what about these beliefs, unless you speak in tongues your not baptized in the Holy Spirit, Divine healing is promised in scripture, you can lose (reject, throw away, etc) your salvation, woman should not be in church ministry, the church today should look like the one in Acts, etc. Are these also just trivial doctrines? and these are just the over-arching doctrines, break them down for a second, woman in ministry, can they be worship leaders but not pastors, pastors but not senior pastors, can they teach Sunday school but not to men, and if so at which age do boys become men? Or take Divine Healing, does God always promise to heal, only sometimes, through the hands of doctors, not at all anymore? All of these are views people hold many of them with a bible verse for why they believe that particular view? These are just a few of the hundreds of questions running through my head, and here is why they are important to me, I want to be like Jesus. If Jesus wouldn't celebrate Halloween I don't want to, if Jesus would vote then I want to do that, I want to represent Jesus to the absolute best of my ability. (actually His ability because it is only through the Holy Spirit I can represent Him at all) WWJD a catch phrase of a few years ago, at one time a popular question, but I actually want to live my life that way not just in the so-called big important issues but in every single area of my life. Because I am convinced that God's way is always the best way. Now here is the kicker that made everything blow up for me, I have believed that if a person was truly living for Jesus as the bible told him or her too, they would look like Jesus with miracles following them (the supernatural, Divine evidence of God being with them) see John 14:12, Mark 16:17-18. But then I read a book by Ravenhill (someone I hold great respect for) and he made a point from Matthew 11:7-11 "....Among them that are born of woman there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist:..." and I don't know of any recorded miracles in Johns ministry, or life. Okay maybe not a earth shattering revelation to the rest of you, but it rocked my world. So as I thought about all of this I thought about all the non-believers I know and if any of them would say I was like Jesus, really and truly like Jesus (when they see how I live, talk, etc do they think " I bet that's what Jesus would have been like when He was on earth") because that's what I want. I want everyone who See's me to see not Nick, but Jesus I want my life to point others to Jesus. Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Now that is the testimony I want! Over the next I don't know how long, I will be exploring some of these views in my blog, with the goal of learning What Jesus would do, I want to know, really and truly know Jesus so that I may by His grace truly be His disciple.

Pray

2008-11-04T12:32:00.000-06:00

just wanted to encourage everyone to pray today for the future leader of our country.

Election Thoughts

2008-11-03T09:34:00.000-06:00

I have some questions about the upcoming election, actually they are about some comments I keep hearing, first, "it is the Christian's duty, or responsibility to vote" and I must confess I have not found any scriptural support for this claim. I think it is more truthful to say it is the American responsibility, or privilege to vote. Now I am not saying Christians should not vote I am only saying that I don't know if we can list it as one of the Christian's responsibilities. Whats my point, simply this, that while I am not sure biblically if you can say it is the Christian's responsibility to vote, I am confident you can say it is the Christian's responsibility to pray for this election and to continue to pray for whoever is elected. ( 1 Timothy 2:1-2). secondly, In response to this I have had numerous people say to me that "if you don't vote you don't have the right to complain", however as a christian I don't think we have the right to complain whether we voted or not. (Philippians 2:14) Please hear what I am saying, I'm not saying, don't vote I am saying to PRAY, if you are going to vote ask God who He wants you to vote for, and no matter what the outcome continue to pray for our leaders. This is the duty of every follower of Jesus Christ. Pray for wisdom for our leaders , pray for the spiritual destiny of our leaders, pray as Jesus prayed "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.". In my admittedly limited twenty-nine years I don't think I have ever seen our country as divided as it is now, unfortunately even the church is dividing over some of these political issues, so I want to encourage and challenge all my brothers and sisters in Christ to join me in taking seriously 2 Chronicles 7:14 "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." our country desperately needs God to heal our land, and I believe this will happen when we PRAY.

colored glasses

2008-10-31T15:14:00.000-05:00

wow, so these last two days God has really been dealing with me on some big things, it's been a little overwhelming to be honest. The last few weeks I have been challenged on what I believe about numerous issues, it felt like everything I believed was being called into question. I actually thought there was a chance my head would explode this morning there was so many questions running through it, but in the midst of all the questions there is a constant it's Jesus. He is the one truth that I am completely sure of, He is, who He said He was, and I can totally rely on Him. He loves me, and wants me to know Him, He is longing, and waiting to build a intimate relationship with me. But there are two things that keep getting in His way, first, my sin, the one He is dealing with me on at the moment is, loving my family.(my lack of doing so is the sin) God has told me to love my wife as He loved the church, something I fail at hundreds of times a day, and to raise my children in His ways, something I'm also good at failing at. Now I'm not saying this under condemnation, regret yes, but not condemnation, because God is showing me that He has a great plan for my life, and family if I would only do it His way. God wants us to see, and show, His love for us, in our family relationships. There can and should be great joy in marriage, and parenting if we do it God's way. So I am going to continue to strive by God's grace and in His strength to love my family the way He has called me to. (Sara, I am sorry for every time I fail to do this, {I know it's a lot} I love you more than words could say and more than my actions sometimes show. and kids I am so glad God has blessed me with you guys I love you with all my heart please forgive me for all the times I fail to model Jesus to you, and love you the way He does)
But the second thing that God has really been dealing with me on is religion, I'll admit I often look at things through my, "religous colored glasses". believing something because, it was the way I was raised, what my church teaches, or maybe because a author I respect believes it. So lately God has allowed, every doctrine and belief I hold to be challenged,(at least it feels that way) and I confess even for a questioner like me, the questions have been totally overwhelming. all of a sudden, it seemed everything I thought I knew was in question, even as I opened my bible I seemed to find more questions than answers, it was the hardest and strangest spiritual desert I've ever gone through. And today in utter desperation as I cried out to God, I told Him I didn't even know who to talk to about what I was going through, and that is where God met me. He showed me that was His plan all along to bring me to a place were all I had was Him. He was taking my religous glasses off, shaking everything so only the things that cannot be shaken would remain. Now I just want to know Jesus, not the baptist Jesus, or the pentecostal Jesus, not my churches Jesus or my family's Jesus; I want to know Jesus as He really is, my hearts cry and my continued prayer will be Jesus please reveal yourself to me, Holy Spirit teach me about Jesus, Father conform me to the image of your dear Son. Above all else may I always seek JESUS.

Thankful for God's Amazing Grace

2008-10-29T10:41:00.000-05:00

Sorry, but this has been on my heart for a week already, recently one of my favorite christian artists, choose to live a life of sin ( coming out of the closet) and since then I have heard numerous people bash him for this. Now I am in total agreement homosexuality is a sin, not because I think so but because God said so, and I believe that continuing in a lifestyle of blatant continued disobedience can and will cost him his salvation (as well as anyone else who chooses to live a life of disobedient unrepentant sin ). However I have heard and seen people make comments like "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" and I can't help but wonder what makes us think Jesus would ever say something like that? I can't help but think of a story in scripture where some people caught a woman in sin and brought her to Jesus, they wanted to stone her, yet Jesus stopped, scribbled something in the sand, then said, he who is without sin cast the first stone. I want to be like Jesus in all I say and do, the scripture says Jesus came " full of grace and truth" and I am so glad for His grace, because I definitely cannot cast the first stone. Now hear me out I am not excusing or justifying sin in any way, shape, or form. Jesus didn't and neither should we, but Jesus also wasn't sarcastic about it either. According to what I see in scripture when Jesus was dealing with sinners He lovingly called them to repentance. I want my conversations to be seasoned with grace, speaking the truth in love, as Jesus did and would. We must stand for truth and never compromise, but always, always in love. "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)that kind of love amazes and humbles me. So it is my hope and prayer that those of us, who have been forgiven much, will love much, that we will freely give, what we have freely received and show Gods amazing love to the world around us. Lets pray for reconciliation for our brothers, and sisters caught in sins trap, instead of spreading condemnation and judgement. Realizing that it is "grace that has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home"

Living by Accident

2008-10-27T10:54:00.000-05:00

What would you do if you were offered $ 1,440.00 every day with the only condition that whatever you don't spend at the end of the day you lose? Well every morning God gives you 1,440 minutes and at the end of the day whatever you didn't use you lost. I am ashamed when I think of the countless hours I have wasted in my life, it is so easy to waste time, five minutes here, ten minutes there, and I don't even want to know how much time we spend watching TV in a given week. Ephesians 5:15-17 says "See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is."(KJV). Redeeming the time, or making the most of every opportunity, as the NIV says, is a challenge God has been dealing a lot with me on these past few weeks. in Jeremiah 29:11 God says " For I know the plans I have for you. declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.(NIV). I believe God has a great plan for all of our lives yet, many of us will miss many of the great things God has for us because we are so busy living, our life, our way. I have heard people say "life is what happens while you are busy making plans" and when asked what happened to dreams, or relationships, respond "life happened", and I think this is really, really sad. We as Christians need to stop living reactionary and start living pro-active, we need to be pro-active in loving our neighbor, pro-active in loving our enemies, pro-active in sharing Jesus with others, pro-active in encouraging our fellow believers. We need to stop living by accident and start living with God's purpose, looking for, and making the most of every opportunity God places in front of us. So next time you are with friends playing cards, or having lunch turn the conversation to things that really matter. Next time you are in a public place ask God if there is someone He wants you to talk with. Set your affections on things above, and see what great things God has in store for you today

my sons gift

2008-10-24T09:29:00.000-05:00

yesterday as my son and I took out garbage waiting for his sister to get back from school. Isaiah was as usual running full speed ahead when suddenly he stopped walked back a few steps and picked up a leaf honestly I hadn't even noticed ran back to me and said "here daddy I got a leaf for you". I smiled and said thank you as we continued on our mission of taking out garbage, but this morning as I thought back on that I was reminded of a story in sports a month or so ago one Wednesday morning Matt Bryant's (the Tampa Bay kicker) wife went to wake up their 3 month old son and he wasn't breathing. They experienced every parents nightmare, a tragedy I can't even began to comprehend. big news in sports that week as Bryant made the game winning kick that Sunday but slowly forgotten as other news broke (like rumors of a ex-quarterback leaking "classified" info to an opposing team). So whats my point well I believe God wanted me to pray for the Bryant family, but also to teach me that life is short scripture says it is "even a vapor" (James 4:14) and it is important to love fully in the time we have here. It is so easy to do as I did smile at a gift from your son and then continue with the busyness of life. I could have stopped and admired God's handiwork with my Son, grabbed him in a bear hug and ran in circles till we both fell down laughing or hurried to get the garbage in the dumpster that wasn't going anywhere. i love my children with all my heart but sometimes I have completely messed up priorities I don't know what tomorrow holds but today I want my kids to know beyond the shadow of a doubt exactly how much daddy loves them so I'm gonna hug them till they tell me to stop then hug them some more. I'm gonna take some breaks in the midst of cleaning house to wrestle on the floor to play trucks with my son as we clean his room or play dolls as we pick up the 10 million dolls my daughter has. so today I want to encourage you make your family a priority treat them like the incredible gift they are give them a hug today actually give them a couple hugs don't just tell them you love them show them. the gift from my son wasn't the leaf it was his love and that's a gift I have every intention of reciprocating so I need to go play puppy with my kids now.

Are we too casual with God ?

2008-10-23T10:44:00.000-05:00

"Just wait till your father gets home" man I hated when mom said that, why because I had a healthy respect for dad and the consequences of breaking the rules. fear of dads punishment kept me from making more than a few bad choices, but now as an adult those words mean almost nothing to me. Now my interactions with dad are more peer to peer (adult to adult) than child to parent. and while this is healthy in family relationships I believe it is dangerous in our heavenly relationship. I think way to often we treat God as a peer, there is little to no fear of God anymore. All we want to talk about is how our heavenly Father loves us, we don't want to think about the fact that our heavenly Father is also the rightous judge of the world. Ravenhill said "If the modernist reiterate that the love of God cannot be overstated, they need to be reminded that the justice of God cannot be understated." Jesus said " And fear them not which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." (Matt. 10:28)I truly believe that this lack of "the fear of the Lord" is why holiness may be at an all time low in the lives of God's people. We have developed the attitude that if we sin it's no big deal we'll just tell God we're sorry when we are done. Instead of being a people of repentance we've become at apoligizing, remorseful maybe, regretful possibly, repentant not usually. So while we proclaim Jesus as our best friend we maintain a cold and callous attitude about the very thing that cost Him His life in the most awful way. Do we really belive God doesnt care that we treat the sacrifice of His Son so disrespectfully? That it is okay to say I love you Jesus but I'm going to continue doing ______________ even though it cost you your life and when I'm done I'll tell you I'm sorry. (there is a awful lot of I in there)? lets see what God says "For if we sin wilfully after that we have the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgement and fiery indignation which shall devour the adversaries. He that despised Moses law died without mercy under two or three witnesses: Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?"(Heb 10:26-29)All throughout scripture God has required holiness from His people, in the O.T. the priest would purify himself before going into the Holy of Holies but now we go into the Holy place to let God purify us. what I believe we need, what I am longing for is a revelation of who God is, not the comercialized watered-down version of american christianity's Jesus. But a true revelation of the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, The Great I AM. And as God reveals Himself to us may our response must be as Isaih's (see Is. 6) one of humility and repentance may we present our bodies a living sacrifice, holy, and acceptable unto God and let God transform our minds. Trust me God is longing for a intimate relationship with you more than you are for one with Him. So lets stop letting our sin seperate between us and our God (Is.59:2) let us boldly approach the throne of grace to obtain mercy because I am confident of this very thing that He who began a good work is faithful to complete it. God please forgive me for treating you to casually, for treating your sacrifice so callously forgive me for all the times I apoligized but never repented of my sins God create in me a clean heart. Holy Spirit convict me of sin lead me in your ways help me to daily get on the cross and die to all my wants, dreams, desires, failures, and sins and live for Christ and Christ alone in me the hope of glory In Jesus Name Amen

Revival Prayer

2008-10-22T09:34:00.000-05:00

"Too many people pray like little boys who knock on doors then run away" Francois Fenelon. Our country desperately needs a great awakening but our church needs a revival, and I'm not talking about a set of three or four planned meetings. I'm talking about when God shows up and shatters all our misconceptions about Him. When God begins to do what only He can do so He alone gets credit and glory for it. When God begins to change hearts and lives, the sick get healed, the bound get delivered, and lukewarmness gives way to red hot, sold out, passion for God.This is what our church, our country, our world needs, honestly this is what I need. Rev 2:4 says "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love" I am guilty of this not because I woke up one morning and decided I wasn't in love with God today, but because I was lazy. I knew God loved me and that I was saved by grace through faith, I knew the general idea of what the bible said and had some of the key verses memorized. So I put my pursuit of God on cruise control yes I prayed if prayer is merely bringing a shopping list to God or thanking Him for food or a nice day but actually going in a closet and shutting the door and waiting on God to speak, not so much. I was okay at talking to God but not so good at communicating with Him, okay at talking not so good at listening. You know the old saying " if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans" I was good at that telling God my plans instead of waiting for Him to tell me His. And I traded intimacy with the Father for convenience, after all life is busy and I justified this by telling myself at least I prayed five minutes before I took off about my day. And in the midst of changing diapers and "where are my keys" prayers I slowly left my first love. E.M Bounds said "God's acquaintance is not made hurriedly He does not bestow His gifts on the casual or hasty comer and goer. To be much alone with God is the secret of knowing Him and of influence with Him." God please forgive me for the sin of prayerlessness, Jesus teach me to pray reveal yourself to me show me your ways that I may walk in them bring revival to my heart Father in Jesus name Amen. okay I need to go spend some time in my prayer closet.

The day that changed my life

2008-10-21T09:01:00.000-05:00

(my story continued.....) One day while serving an internship with Central Assembly I preached a sermon at the annual family camp about the three generation cycle and why we were losing so many of our young people to the world, I shared how badly we needed to see God move in mighty ways that we young people (myself included) wanted more than rules and regulations we needed to meet God. I encouraged everyone to began seeking God to do big things and then to share their testimonies of Gods faithfulness and as just as I finished the sermon. Joe a fellow intern at the church came running up they had received a call at the church from my family,
mom was in the hospital with cancer and not doing well. I can't even describe all the emotions I felt at that moment disbelief, I knew mom hadn't been feeling well but cancer impossible there must be a mistake then panic, what was I gonna do, what if, no don't even think that. I had just preached about seeking God to do big things so that was what we would do so I asked a few people to pray with me then headed to the hospital to find out it was all true mom had stage four colon cancer and our family faced a very serious battle for her life. The doctors may not have wanted to say exactly how serious it was but the Internet had no such problems and a search for "stage four colon cancer" was not an easy read. Now I was raised in a church that taught divine healing I was serving in a church that has divine healing as 1 of its 16 fundamental truths and I believe with everything in me that divine healing is for today and is promised in scripture as part of the atoning work of cavalry. Yet as I went through the next several months and countless visits to the hospitals I watched mom get worse I listened to people pray with me and ask God to help us if He decided not to heal mom, I listened to arguments for why God might not heal and at times felt like I was believing alone. I told myself how hard we were fighting I'd fast for a day or two, pray for a few hours at a time and then I had the dream and knew we were still losing. and then one day sitting with mom she told me her faith was struggling the pain was so great she said she didn't know how much longer she could fight she asked me to believe for her, to be strong and not doubt I promised her I'd never quit that we would win. As mom got worse and the pain grew I never once heard mom ask why me or complain I watched as God did a work in her heart changing her she grew even closer to the Lord. In one of her last visits to the hospital she sent dad to get something to drink so we could have a few moments alone she told me how proud she was of me how much she loved me that she knew God had a great plan for my life it was one of the only times she ever acknowledged Gods call on my life she said God had gifted me with a great memory for His Word that next time I preached she would come hear me (she never got the chance), she told me for the 1st time she supported my decision to marry Sara and she was gonna work on building a real relationship with her, and some other thing I'm gonna keep in my heart alone right now, if id known that it was gonna be one of the last times we would talk alone I'd have never let it end. on August 27 I went to see her I wanted to spend my birthday with her she wasn't feeling well she gave me some money told me she was sorry she didn't get me a gift and that next year we'd go out together for my birthday it was a promise she never got to keep on Sep 1, 2005 I got a call to rush to the hospital the ambulance was taking mom there. The doctor walking in to that waiting room telling us they had tried everything is a memory I can't seem to forget I ran outside telling mom I was sorry over and over again I'd promised mom we'd win but I'd also promised her I wouldn't quit I went back inside and when they let us see her after everyone else left I stayed and I prayed for God to raise her from the dead it was the same prayer I would pray at the funeral as we said our last good-byes at the grave site my brother shared that mom was in heaven that the sun was shining and God was in control we sang that since God carried the weight of the world He'd carry us through this and about the footprints mom had left behind would leave a legacy of faith behind (she did) and after everyone left I stood there alone some men asked if the could start filling in the hole all I could do was nod my phone rang my family wanted to know if I was OK but how do you tell someone you feel like you failed your mom when she needed you the most all I could do was stand there and with every shovel full of dirt they threw tell her I was sorry. I believe with everything in me still that God is the Lord our Healer that we are healed by Jesus stripes and when we call for the elders and pray in faith we should see people healed. And I have never quit asking God why mom wasn't healed or where are his miracles (Judges 6:13) And I am going to keep seeking to know God better to walk with Him closer and to live life the way Jesus did yes I want to see miracles I want to go to a church living the book of Acts but above all I want to love God with all my heart, soul and mind to be all Jesus called me to be. Sep 1, 2005 changed my life forever I learned it's easy to talk about wanting more and following God with a whole heart but actually living 24-7 for Jesus takes commitment the commitment to come and die to self so Jesus can live through us the commitment to put my wishes, dreams, and desires on the cross so I am dead to them and alive to Christ and Christ alone.This is the journey that took me to where I am today, desperate for God

finally music

2008-10-09T02:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it took me a week to figure out how to add music to my blog. No one would accuse me of being computer literate. These are some of my favorite songs and I hope they minister to you as you read. It is my prayer that you will be challenged to join me on a journey of radical pursuit of God and that my posts will both challenge and encourage you to that end. Let us run the race before us as one who wants to win the prize. (1 Cor. 9:24-25)

my story

2008-10-07T10:08:00.000-05:00

It's interesting what details stick in our minds, I can honestly say I don't remember a whole lot about being five years old but I do remember one day very well. I was sitting on one of the swing sets in our back yard my mom was on the other one we were practicing the alphabet and the sounds they made if memory serves correct we were on the letter E (is for elephant) and my mom started talking to me about Jesus and salvation. I don't remember the exact words she used but I know that I knew I was a sinner in need of Jesus and that God loved me so much He had sent His only Son to die for me. That day I accepted God's offer of salvation and my life changed forever. I can remember over the next several years truly falling in love with Jesus I was the holly roller, bible boy and a few other names as a kid. In a small town being home schooled and going to church in your basement (we had a small house church that at the time met at our house) was more than enough to make me the weird kid on the block, add to that the fact that some of the neighbor kids were not as interested in hearing about Jesus as I was to talk about Him. Thinking back on those years I don't remember a whole lot just some snapshots, I remember sharing Jesus with my friend and next door neighbor with a children's Bible and all I can remember of the conversation is how I told him that at the judgement seat God would separate the sheep from the goats and that I was a sheep and going to heaven and he was a goat and going to hell because I had accepted Jesus as my savior. Okay so maybe not how I'd say it now but back then before I ever heard of arminianism, Calvinism before I understood words like propitiation and atonement all I knew was Jesus was real He had changed my life and I wanted to share that with my friend. And God honored that I got to pray with Him to accept Jesus and become a sheep. I remember getting water baptized, I don't remember the day but I know it was COLD we were at a friends house on the Bay and my cousins were also getting baptized and I can remember sitting on the rocks wrapped in a towel shivering. ( I was doubly blessed, when my mom led me to Christ she was a newer believer herself and so I got grow in the Lord with her as she learned new things she passed them on to me, I can remember many a time talking with each other about something we had read in scripture) So while I may not have understood all the significance in water baptism I knew I wanted to obey Jesus and be baptized. I can also remember being filled with the Holy Spirit, mom had told me about it and I wanted it we had prayed for it and one day while I was playing in the living room under some blankets turned into a tent I felt the Presence of God and received the gift of Tongues ( I believe I was filled with the Holy Spirit the moment we prayed even though the Gift of Tongues came later) I was so excited I ran outside to tell mom, what a great day that was. I wish I could tell you it was always like that but sadly things changed. Slowly the cares of this world became more important than the things of God especially football and that's how most of my teen years went a spiritual roller coaster of ups and downs with God calling me, the world calling me and wrestling with heavy questions. There were months of backslidden complacency with times here and there were I'd respond to Gods calling but through it all God never gave up on me and mom never quit praying for me. And God used a a speaker at a youth camp to get a hold of me in my late teens I rededicated my life to God and began slowly to start seeking the things of God again. By the time I was eighteen I was serving as a youth leader and striving to answer the call I believe God had placed on my life. Yet even as I served in ministry I struggled with questions, I was longing for something more I wanted to live Christianity as I read about it in acts. I didn't want to just read about the great revivals of days gone by, I wanted to see God move like that now. And over the next five or six years I began searching for that asking lots of questions moving from church to church looking for something more..... (to be continued). I realize this is a very condensed version of the journey God has led me on and there were many other life changing moments the infamous Green Lake experience, our family trial, etc. but through it all God has loved me and He has used all of it to make me into who He wanted me to be. Just like Romans 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." So as I look back over my life I see the tremendous grace of God, I see He has never left my side, He has loved me through it all and I can be sure that He will continue to be Faithful and I can stand with confidence on the promise of Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

don't forget

2008-10-06T10:46:00.000-05:00

Today as I was reading in Hebrews God reminded me of something He has been teaching me, Something He wants me to live. In Hebrews 2:1 it says "THEREFORE WE ought to give the more earnest heed to the things which we have heard, lest at any time we should let them slip." too many times God shows us something or does something for us and shortly after we have forgotten it. In the Old Testament when God did something for His people often He would tell them to make an alter so that when their children would see the stones and ask why there was a pile of stones there they could tell them about the incredible thing God had done for them. So many things happened in the Old Testament that I think could have been avoided if God's people would only have remembered. God had just delivered His people from years of slavery and harsh treatment in Egypt, with amazing signs and wonders but at the red sea they complained and asked why they were led out there to die, if instead of looking at the dire situation they had taken a moment to think of how God had worked on their behalf the red sea may not have seemed such a insurmountable obstacle. And then when the spies looked over at the promise land had they remembered how God delivered them from Egypt maybe more than two of them would have had faith that He could do it again. Time and time again scripture tells us something would happen God's people would cry out to Him He would miraculously deliver them and then they would forget, and they would end up in trouble again. Sometimes in my human arrogance I wonder how could they forget, I mean the deliverance from Egypt is incredible to read imagine seeing it first hand and yet if I'm honest with myself I am guilty of the very same thing. Revelation 12:11 says " And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto death." one of the keys to overcoming the devil in our lives is testimony's, it's remembering. When we look back and see all the times God has been faithful, all the times He has done the impossible in our lives, (the piles of stones) it not only allows us to see God's faithfulness, it compels us to say God has been faithful and He will be faithful. Yet so often we are like the nine when Jesus healed the ten lepers one came back to thank Him, nine just ran off to live life free of leprosy. I know I have been guilty of doing what the nine did way too often, sometimes maybe offering a hasty thanks as I run off, instead of stopping and really thanking God for working on my behalf making a memorial of the event something to share with my kids, to remind me of His faithfulness the next time I face a trial or to encourage a brother or sister in Christ facing difficulty. Everyone of Gods children have a testimony, a story of how God has been faithful in their life starting with how God called them to salvation in Christ Jesus and a life worth living. And continuing in all the ways and times God has shown His faithfulness in answered prayer, divine blessings, daily guidance etc. So in my next post Lord willing I plan on sharing my testimony of how God reached out in love and led me to Jesus and how I met the Lover of my Soul. And I want to invite and encourage anyone who reads this to do the same I love to hear the stories of how our great God is working on our behalf

okay to be me

2008-10-06T09:12:00.000-05:00

Praise God, now I could follow that with hundreds of reasons why but I think we should praise Him because he is worthy and really not need any more reason than that, however God in his goodness continually gives us reasons to continue to praise Him above and beyond the fact that He is totally worthy. And one of the many reasons God gives us to praise Him is His amazing love for us it is true that God loves us just the way we are but, it is just as true that He doesn't leave us that way. (now there's a great reason to praise Him) He is continually working in us to conform us into the image of His dear Son. And I am so grateful that He never gives up on me no matter how many times I get in his way or hinder His work in me by dragging my feet or arguing with Him about how much the change will hurt or cost. He keeps loving me, teaching me, and leading me to the life He wants me to live. So now that I've turned this opening into it's own entry let me share what I really wanted to share this morning. I woke up today with a couple realizations, first I'm getting older, my body was pretty sore from the football game yesterday. More importantly as I was talking to God and attempting to quiet my heart to hear from Him I had such a feeling of Love sweep over me as God reminded me of how much He loves me. And as I rested in that love God showed me what He's been trying to teach me these last few weeks that it's okay to be me,that He made me exactly the way He wanted me and that He doesn't make mistakes. Let me back up for a moment I'm a questioner, always have been. I have questions on top of questions, I have questions about questions and when I find an answer to one it usually leaves me with five or six new questions. My head just seems to work different than so many of my friends (if my wife was reading this right now she'd say a loud amen to that) some people look at life as half full and others as half empty I wonder why it can't be full or if it can be full why we settle for only half full. some people look at things the way they are and wonder why, I look at things as they could be and wonder why there not. Sometimes driving my friends and loved ones crazy with my "what ifs" , "why not's" and bazillion other questions. And sometimes it's left me feeling all alone wondering if I'm the only one with these questions, wondering if there's something wrong with me why can't I just accept things the way they are. Ive been like this my whole life, as a kid I was full of questions and not the ones like how a radio works or why leaves change colors, I can remember as a pre-teen driving my parents crazy with questions like "why did a all-powerful God allow a innocent child to be abused, or a young lady to be taken advantage of?" and as I've gotten older the questions haven't gotten easier. But this morning God showed me He loves me He made me this way that He is big enough for any and every one of my questions. That as my Heavenly Father He is okay with me coming to Him a thousand times a day with "Father I have a question" actually He is more than okay with it He longs for it. That He created me to be exactly who I am to ask all these question and in my search for answers I will always find Him, because He is the Ultimate Answer, He is Truth, and He has a great plan for my life and it starts with ..."come and learn of me..." . So today I'm gonna praise Him, I'm gonna praise Him because He is worthy, and I'm going to celebrate being loved by God, Being "fearfully and wonderfully made"(Ps. 139:14) , I'm going to live in the freedom to be exactly who God made me to be, I'm going to rejoice that He has a plan for my life and He is "working in me both to will and to do His good pleasure"(phillip. 2:13) And I'm gonna run with joy the race that has been set out for me, I'm gonna answer Jesus call to "come and follow me". And since God said it was okay, I"m gonna just be me.

new at this

2008-10-03T12:09:00.000-05:00

hello
I'm not really sure what im doing here but I feel God wants me to do this so im going to be obediant and learn as I go. I believe that Heaven has called us to so much more than most of us are living, I know personally I am not content with the lukewarm version of Christianity I have been living.
I want to challenge myself and anyone who reads this to live the life that God has called us to live, to be radical, and passionate in our pursuit of Jesus. It is so easy in our busy lives to talk about how important God is to us, while in truth only spending minimal time with our Lord.