7 weeks ago (pt 2)

In my last post I shared that my anger was getting the best of me, well God really began working on me about this. I know it's easy to tell someone not to be angry, but it's not so easy to just quit being angry. As God began to deal with me on this I knew God wanted me to let my anger go I just didn't know how but as I prayed God showed me I had to start with forgiveness. Hebrew 12:15 says "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;" this was happening in my life. let me back up for a second, I was raised in a church that professed the "deeper Word" and believed in divine healing, this was the church my mom and most of my family still attended when my mom died. Now while I still believe that divine healing is promised in scripture as part of Christs work on the cross. When mom died I felt like everyone around me made excuses for it. I heard people say "it was God's will for her to die", "that it was her time to go", and "that we just don't know why she wasn't healed" bear with me for a second and lets look at a few verses in scripture Isaiah 53:4-5 "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." healing is part of the atoning work of Calvary, I know some of you are saying that this is spiritual healing but look at Matt 8:16-17 "When the even was come, they brought unto him many that were possessed with devils: and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all that were sick: That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses." if Isaiah was talking about spiritual healing why does Matthew refer to it in regards to physical healing? According to Exodus 15:26 "And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee." I know that this promise was given specifically to the Israelites but if God says that He is the Lord that heals, and He doesn't change why would we think he doesn't heal anymore? Psalm 103:3-4 says "Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;" I don't have any idea how many people Jesus healed when He was here in the flesh, but I know it says in several places that they brought there sick to Him and He healed them all, and John 21:25 says "And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen." and while I freely admit that Jesus did not heal everyone in Israel while He was here I can't find one example of someone who came to Him for a healing and He turned them away, so though Jesus did not heal everyone, it appears He healed all who came to Him. and sorry but you can't use Lazarus, I hear people say He didn't heal Lazarus and there right but He didn't just let him stay dead either. James 5:14-15 "Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him." . And here was my problem my mom called the elders of her church they prayed for her and in my opinion obviously failed. I know I am just as guilty of this failure as anyone else (read my post "the day that changed my life" to see my personal struggle with this failure) but in this moment of loss and hurt and confusion I looked to the leaders around me, the pastors and elders I had grown up respecting my current pastors and they all seemed to be making excuses, I was a hurting and angry young man asking those who had been saved a lot longer than me for answers and they had none, so with every excuse they made I became more angry. I was angry that mom was dead but even more angry because the leaders I had looked up to, the ones who had been saved so much longer than me, some longer than I had even been alive, the ones who said they were teaching the "deeper truths" and where my role models of spiritual maturity had not only failed miserably they seemed okay with it. ( I firmly believe unless we seek God for why we failed and change what He shows us we are okay with losing) Anyway that night as God was dealing with me about how serious I was about Him, I saw my arrogance for over three years I have not quit asking God why did mom die? how could we have lost such a serious battle? and how do I make sure it never happens again? and I became arrogant because I felt that I was searching for answers that leaders far my senior didn't know and seemed content not knowing. I can't explain all that happened that night, I still miss mom like crazy but now it hurts before I buried the hurt with anger. I still believe it is God's will to heal, I believe we lost that battle but I have forgiven the church, I have forgiven myself. And it was a truly humbling thought to realize after three years of angry searching I still didn't have the answers when I needed to fight for Baby Malachi. I gave God my anger, and my arrogance that night I repented and He forgave me. (if I have hurt or offended anyone with all this anger and arrogance I am truly sorry and humbly ask your forgiveness) God has given more answers to the questions I've been asking for over 3 years in the past few weeks than in the whole three years combined. But that is for another post, sorry for the length of this post if you have made it all the way through it, thank you for reading and I hope and pray that God will use my story to encourage and challenge you in your walk with Him. Lord willing I'll post the next part in a couple days.