He's My Only Son

He's My Only Son
Author Unknown


The day is over, you are driving home. You tune in your radio.You hear a little blurb about a little village in India where some villagers have died suddenly, strangely, of a flu that has never been seen before. Its not influenza, but three of four people are dead, and its kind of interesting, and they are sending some doctors over there to investigate it.

You don't think much about it, but on Sunday, coming home from church, you hear another radio spot. Only they say its not three villagers, its 30,000 villagers in the back hills of this particular area of India, and it's on TV that night. CNN runs a little blurb. People are heading there from the disease center in Atlanta because this disease strain has never been seen before.

By Monday morning when you get up, its the lead story. For its not just India. Its Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran and before you know it, you're hearing this story everywhere and they have coined it now as "the mystery flu." The President has made some comment that he and everyone are praying and hoping that all will go well over there. But everyone is wondering, "How are we going to contain it?" That's when the President of France makes an announcement that shocks Europe. He is closing their borders. No flights from India, Pakistan, or any of the countries where this thing has been seen.

And that's why that night you are watching a little bit of CNN before going to bed. Your jaw hits your chest when a weeping woman is translated from a French news program into English. There's a man lying in a hospital in Paris dying of the mystery flu. It has come to Europe. Panic strikes. As best they can tell, once you get it you have it for a week before you know it. Then you have four days of unbelievable symptoms. And then you die.

Britain closes its borders, but its too late. South Hampton, Liverpool, North Hampton and it's Tuesday morning when the President of the United States makes the following announcement. "Due to a national security risk, all flights to and from Europe and Asia have been canceled. If your loved ones are overseas, I'm sorry. They cannot come back until we find a cure for this thing." Within four days our nation has been plunged into an unbelievable fear. People are talking about "What if it comes to this country"? And preachers on Tuesday are saying "It's the scourge of God."

It's Wednesday night and you are at a church prayer meeting when somebody runs if from the parking lot and yells, "Turn on a radio, turn on a radio!" And while the church listens to a little transistor radio with a microphone stuck up to it, the announcement is made. Two women are lying in a Long Island hospital dying from the mystery flu. Within hours it seems, this thing just sweeps across the country.

People are working around the clock trying to find an antidote. Nothing is working. California, Oregon, Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts. It's as though it's just sweeping in from the borders. And then all of a sudden the news comes out. The code has been broken. A cure can be found. A vaccine can be made. It's going to take the blood of somebody who hasn't been infected and so, sure enough, all through the Midwest, through all those channels of emergency broadcasting, everyone is asked to do one simple thing. Go to your downtown hospital and have your blood type taken. That's all we ask of you. When you hear the sirens go off in your neighborhood, please make your way quickly, quietly and safely, to the hospitals.

Sure enough, when you and your family get down there late on that Friday night, there is a long line and they've got nurses and doctors coming out and pricking fingers and taking blood and putting labels on it. Your spouse and your kids are out there, and they take your blood type and they say, "wait here in the parking lot and if we call your name you can be dismissed and go home." You stand around, scared, with your neighbors, wondering what in the world is going on and if this is the end of the World.

Suddenly a young man comes running out of the hospital screaming. He's yelling a name and waving a clipboard. What? He yells it again! And your son tugs on your jacket and says," Daddy, that's me."

Before you know it, they have grabbed your boy. "Wait a minute. Hold on!" And they say, Its okay, his blood is clean. His blood is pure. We want to make sure he doesn't have the disease. We think he has got the right type. Five tense minutes later, out come the doctors and nurses crying and hugging one another-some are even laughing. It's the first time you have seen anybody laugh in a week, and an old doctor walks up to you and says, "Thank you sir. Your son's blood type is perfect. It's clean, it is pure, and we can make the vaccine."

As the word begins to spread all across that parking lot full of folks, people are screaming and praying and laughing and crying. But then the gray-haired doctor pulls you and your wife aside and says, "May we see you for a moment? We didn't realize that the donor would be a minor and we need.....we need you to sign a consent form."

You begin to sign and then you see that the number of pints of blood to be taken is empty. "H-h-h-ow many pints?" And that is when the old doctor's smile fades and he says, "We had no idea it would be a little child. We weren't prepared. We need it all!"

"But-but. . . .I don't understand. He's my only son!"

"We are talking about the world here. Please sign. We-We need it all!"

"But can't you give him a transfusion?"
"If we had clean blood we would. Please, will you please sign?"

In numb silence you do. Then they say, "would you like to have a moment with him before we begin?" Could you walk back? Could you walk back to that room where he sits on a table saying, "Daddy? Mommy? What's going on?" Could you take his hands and say, "Son, your mommy and I love you and we would never ever let anything happen to you that didn't just have to be. Do you understand that?"

And when that old doctor comes back in and says, "I'm sorry, we've got to get started. People all over the world are dying." Could you leave? Could you walk out while he is saying, "Dad? Mom? Dad? Why. . . .why have you forsaken me?"

And then next week, when they have the ceremony to honor your son, and some folks sleep through it, and some folks don't even bother to come because they have better things to do, and some folks come with just a pretentious smile and just pretend to care. Would you want to jump up and say, "EXCUSE ME! MY SON DIED FOR YOU! MY ONLY SON! DON'T YOU EVEN CARE? DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?"

I wonder, is that what God wants to say?





I used this story as the opening for my last sermon, lately God has really been dealing with me on my view of the cross. I will share more in my next post, but I wanted to post this because it really challenged me.

Worship

Worship, what is worship? I've heard people say worship is the slow songs we sing, but honestly worship has nothing to do with the tempo of the song and very little to do with the words of the song, because worship is not a song it's a lifestyle. And not merely a lifestyle filled with music and singing but rather a life filled with obedience "He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. (Mark 7:6) I read a analogy this week in a book by John Bevere that really challenged me, he asked what would happen if a wife asked her husband for help with supper and he said no I'm too busy, then later she asked with help cleaning up and he said no he wanted to watch the baseball game, and later yet she asked for help giving the kids bath and he said no yet again. Then after the kids were all in bed he comes up to his wife and says how much he loves her and asks if she wants to go to bed early *wink, wink*, what do you think her response will be? (John Bevere uses this analogy in his book drawing near although I put it in my own words here) Is this any different from how we treat God? We ignore his words all week, at times living lives of blatant disobedience then we come to church on Sunday and sing about how he is "all we ever wanted". Do we really think God is fooled? Amos 5:23-24 says "Away with your noisy hymns of praise! I will not listen to the music of your harps. Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, an endless river of righteous living." (NLT). Lets look at the first place the word worship appears in scripture Genesis 22:15 "And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.". Abraham was not going to go sing a slow song, he was going to obey God and offer his son. I am convinced many of us have never been asked by God to do anything as hard as what God asked of abraham, and yet many of us are not nearly as obedient. I believe with my whole heart that God is looking for people totally sold out to Him, that He is calling all of us to lives of worship, lives of total obedience to Him. John 14:21 "He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him." and verse 23 "Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him." we can live in intimate fellowship with the father through obedience this is a life of worship! And God is looking for worshipers John 4:23 "But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him." Lord please forgive me for the times I've made worship just a slow song, for the times I have ignored and disobeyed you. Holy Spirit please help me to live a life of total obedience, forgive me for the times I've grieved you. Father I want to dwell in your presence, for better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. In Jesus Name, Amen

Truth or Not?

I've been told I preach hard, a friend of mine likes to tell me I'll never have crowds following me to hear me preach. And to be honest that's okay with me, my concern isn't with whether people are going to like what I say, or if they will come back but with whether what I say is in line with scripture. I believe, truth is truth, and when we listen to someone preaching or teaching the question we have to ask ourselves is this, "does what they are saying line up with God's word?" and if it doesn't reject it, if it does then if we are truly His disciples the only choice we have is to listen and obey it, not because some preacher said so but because Gods word said so. I want to be, and I want everyone who ever listens to me to be like the Bereans who Scripture says "These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so." (Acts 17:11) way to often we go to church and listen to a sermon, maybe even say amen to it, but then leave church and forget all about it, sadly we even do this when reading Gods word. Even worse many people don't even open there bibles accept on rare occasions and at church (if there churches don't have PowerPoint, otherwise they don't even open them at church). Now most of us who call ourselves Christians would say we love Jesus but He says John 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments. (see also John 14:21, 1 John 2:4, 1John 5:3) yet many people don't even know what His commandment are or worse know them but don't think He meant them. Jesus said "And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46) I think Jesus would ask most of us the same question, I know it is a question He has been asking me a lot lately. And yes He does tell us to study scripture 2 Timothy 2:15 "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." or Psalm 1:1-2 "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night." so today I want to challenge you, have you been spending time in God's word are you hiding God's word in your heart (Psalm 119:11) are you allowing God's word to be the light for your path (Psalm 119:35) when you hear someone talk about the things of God, do you ask "does scripture support this?" and if it does do you take it as if God said it, or do you shrug it off as something some preacher or fellow Christian said?

Living In The Days Ahead

There is a song that has really been challenging and encouraging me a lot lately, it's by a group called 33 Miles and the song is "What Could Be Better" if you haven't heard it yet I encourage you to go to YouTube and check it out. (33 Miles - What Could Be Better) for the past two weeks I've been reading and re-reading Philippians and there have been a few things God has been teaching. I heard this song for the first time in the car a few weeks ago and I knew God was speaking to me that I needed to start living in the days ahead, that I need to live with a eternal mindset. And then as I was reading Philippians 3:18-19 "(For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)" look at who the Holy Spirit says are enemies of the cross those "who mind earthly things". As I read Philippians these words seemed to jump off the page at me and instantly God brought Colosians 3:1-3 "If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God." to mind. There are times when you read Gods word and something catches your attention, a answer to a question or confirmation and there are times God shows you something and we give our assent to it but it stops there as head knowledge, but then there are times when God just has you keep reading and re-reading the same thing. (at least for me) As I kept reading these verses something happened it went from a head knowledge to heart knowledge, as I read it the first few times I was nodding my head and thinking this is so true, but as I kept reading it became more than a simple truth to be agreed with it was as if this truth flooded my heart. My treasure is in heaven, and it's the greatest treasure in the world, yet so many times I have put my affections on the things of this world. I have chased the American dream "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" so many times instead of chasing the high calling of Christ Jesus. We make jokes about Christians looking like they sucked on a pickle or drank lemon juice for communion because there is so many Christians without joy, and i believe a big reason for this is our affections are in the wrong place. When our treasure is Knowing Jesus (Jeremiah 9:24) when we look forward with earnest expectation to the day we will see Him face to face what joy should fill our soul. Jesus put it this way Matthew 6:19-21 "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.". So many times we struggle to give up the cares of this world, the movies or music we like, the unforgiveness or anger we hold unto, the fear that keeps us from obedience. All because we have put our affections on our popularity, our money, our comfort, and our pleasure, but when we have truly put our affections on Jesus we can give up anything for Him and feel like we are making a good deal. And this is precisely where many of us miss it we give stuff up for Jesus but we don't really believe we made a good deal and so it's hard to have a real joy about it. Matthew 13:44 "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field." So from now on I'm living in the days ahead, and I can't stop celebrating in my soul, nothing on earth could ever compare, I can't wait for the day I get there, when I see Jesus face to face, tell me WHAT COULD BE BETTER!!!!!!

My Son's Testimony

If you have been reading my blog you know that God has been dealing with me a lot on the issue of trusting Him, especially with my family. Last Wednesday the kids were down for the night, when all of a sudden my son started crying and I mean really crying, we ran to his room to see what was the matter and all he would say was he hurt, as he sat on my lap I tried to get him to tell me what hurt, and all he would do is cry. Thinking it was probably a upset stomach I ran out to get him some Seven-Up, when I got back he was still crying, my wife said she thought his stomach felt really hard and thought maybe it was appendicitis, as I sat on the chair holing him and praying, I'll be honest there was a real battle going on in my head, was it appendicitis or just a tummy ache, I kept trying to get him to tell me what hurt but his eyes seemed a little glassy and he just couldn't seem to focus enough to answer he just kept crying. As I rocked him and prayed for him after about thirty minutes he dozed off but he wasn't asleep for more than five minutes before he was up crying again over and over this went on fifteen to thirty minutes of crying, a few minutes of sleep. A few times his breathing got really raspy like he was having a asthma attack. By midnight I was really struggling I can't explain all that I was feeling but when your holding your son knowing something is wrong, but no idea what, your mind begins to work overtime. And as I prayed for him, a battle raged in my mind, should I take him to the hospital, or trust God totally for his healing. I'll be honest that this should probably be a easy question, but in light of the churches (myself included) track record it wasn't. I kept thinking we prayed for mom, we prayed for Malachi, and yet they were not healed. as this battle was going on in my head another one was going on in my heart, for the last few weeks I had been studying the story of Abraham and Isaac, and how Abraham so totally trusted God with his son. What I was going through was nothing like what God asked of Abraham but let me tell you the battle inside me over whether or not I would trust God with my son was still intense. Would I trust God with my son no matter what happened, would I choose to love God and follow Him even if the unthinkable happened. I know this all probably sounds crazy, I didn't even know there was something seriously wrong with my son so why I was even thinking thoughts like this I'm not sure, but what I know was that at two in the morning these thoughts were very real. As I prayed I began to pour my heart out to God, I told Him I loved Him that I would choose to trust Him no matter what, that I believed He was the Lord our healer, that I knew the fear wasn't from Him but it was still very real for me. I told Him how much I loved and needed my son and that I really wanted to believe, I asked Him to increase my faith to help me with my unbelief. I told Him that I knew He was not only able to heal my son but willing to heal him and that even though I didn't have all the answers for why mom and Malachi were not healed, I trusted His Word. I have no idea what was wrong with my son, all I know was he spent most of the night crying, that he would go from burning up to being cold, that one minute he wanted to be held and the next minute he didn't want anything touching him, that at times he sounded like he was having a asthma attack and sometimes it was a struggle to get him to focus when I asked him a question. I have no idea if it was something very serious or not, but this is what I know I have never been as scared for my family as I was that night, and what I know is that in those hours between midnight and four in the morning, my son needed a healing and I needed God and He gave us both exactly what we needed! Praise God we both fell asleep sometime after four and the next day my son was tired but all the symptoms were gone, whether it was something serious or not doesn't matter to me, but as for me and my family we will continue to praise God because we are forever grateful for God's healing touch big or small. THANK YOU JESUS !!!!

7 weeks ago (pt3)

okay, so seven weeks ago is now more like 9 weeks ago, I've had a few friends tell me my posts are so long it takes them a few days to get through them. So I'm trying to give them a chance to catch up between posts, but since that night God has been teaching me so much and doing such a incredible work in my heart it's hard to keep up in this post. I didn't know I could be more challenged than I was after that night as God asked me if I could die for Him, but then as i was listening to a song by Jeff and Sherri Easter called "I Just Wanted You to Know" I was challenged even further I began to look at the story of Abraham again Genesis 22:2-3 "And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of. And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him."
A week ago I asked myself if I could stand up for Jesus if they were gonna hurt my kids if I didn't deny Him, did I love Jesus that much was I that committed to Him, but what if God Himself asked me what He asked of Abraham? Now remember although Abraham believed God could raise Isaac from the dead, unlike you and me he didn't know the end of the story like we do, he actually went in obedience expecting to sacrifice his son. And even more challenging is this statement "and Abraham rose up early in the morning..." Abraham didn't wait, he didn't argue, He immediately moved in obedience. God asks me to give up little unimportant things and it still takes me weeks to obey at times. Let me give you a example, I have strong convictions about witchcraft, I believe that the bible is very clear on what God thinks about it, so I choose not to watch movies like harry potter or play games like dungeons & dragons, or world of warcraft. Then one day someone challenged me they told me I was being legalistic, that there was a great mission field in the game, so I tried a similar game called last chaos and I loved it, I got to share my faith with people on a almost daily basis and since my character was not a magical one I told myself it was okay, I even called a accountability partner and asked him if he thought it was okay, and he said it was okay even gave me a bible verse. (though to be fair I think I misrepresented the game to him I downplayed the magic in the game and told Him about the mission field, I just wanted to have him say it was okay so I could ignore the nagging in my conscience, since then he has challenged me and encouraged me to quit the game) But every time I played it there was a small voice questioning me after months of disobedience I quit the game, I still miss it and hoped I would find out I was just being legalistic as a matter of fact I have kept it on my computer until now. (I am uninstalling it as I write this) I believe with everything in me that God is calling His children out, that He is asking us to be different, I believe that the church in America has been largely lukewarm at best. That we (myself included) have played with the devils toys, watched the devils movies, listened to the devils music, and then wondered why we need man made programs to power the church, why there is little or no evidence of Holy Ghost power in our lives and churches and this is one of the reasons we still love the world and not only love the world but many times love the world more than we love God James 4:4 "Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." I have a long way to go, giving up "last chaos" is a long way from what God asked of Abraham but I pray from now on I'll obey with instant obedience and that with Gods help I'll be ruthless at getting rid of everything in my life that displeases God. So He can say of me the same thing He told Abraham Genesis 22:12 "And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me."

7 weeks ago (pt 2)

In my last post I shared that my anger was getting the best of me, well God really began working on me about this. I know it's easy to tell someone not to be angry, but it's not so easy to just quit being angry. As God began to deal with me on this I knew God wanted me to let my anger go I just didn't know how but as I prayed God showed me I had to start with forgiveness. Hebrew 12:15 says "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;" this was happening in my life. let me back up for a second, I was raised in a church that professed the "deeper Word" and believed in divine healing, this was the church my mom and most of my family still attended when my mom died. Now while I still believe that divine healing is promised in scripture as part of Christs work on the cross. When mom died I felt like everyone around me made excuses for it. I heard people say "it was God's will for her to die", "that it was her time to go", and "that we just don't know why she wasn't healed" bear with me for a second and lets look at a few verses in scripture Isaiah 53:4-5 "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." healing is part of the atoning work of Calvary, I know some of you are saying that this is spiritual healing but look at Matt 8:16-17 "When the even was come, they brought unto him many that were possessed with devils: and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all that were sick: That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses." if Isaiah was talking about spiritual healing why does Matthew refer to it in regards to physical healing? According to Exodus 15:26 "And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee." I know that this promise was given specifically to the Israelites but if God says that He is the Lord that heals, and He doesn't change why would we think he doesn't heal anymore? Psalm 103:3-4 says "Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;" I don't have any idea how many people Jesus healed when He was here in the flesh, but I know it says in several places that they brought there sick to Him and He healed them all, and John 21:25 says "And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen." and while I freely admit that Jesus did not heal everyone in Israel while He was here I can't find one example of someone who came to Him for a healing and He turned them away, so though Jesus did not heal everyone, it appears He healed all who came to Him. and sorry but you can't use Lazarus, I hear people say He didn't heal Lazarus and there right but He didn't just let him stay dead either. James 5:14-15 "Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him." . And here was my problem my mom called the elders of her church they prayed for her and in my opinion obviously failed. I know I am just as guilty of this failure as anyone else (read my post "the day that changed my life" to see my personal struggle with this failure) but in this moment of loss and hurt and confusion I looked to the leaders around me, the pastors and elders I had grown up respecting my current pastors and they all seemed to be making excuses, I was a hurting and angry young man asking those who had been saved a lot longer than me for answers and they had none, so with every excuse they made I became more angry. I was angry that mom was dead but even more angry because the leaders I had looked up to, the ones who had been saved so much longer than me, some longer than I had even been alive, the ones who said they were teaching the "deeper truths" and where my role models of spiritual maturity had not only failed miserably they seemed okay with it. ( I firmly believe unless we seek God for why we failed and change what He shows us we are okay with losing) Anyway that night as God was dealing with me about how serious I was about Him, I saw my arrogance for over three years I have not quit asking God why did mom die? how could we have lost such a serious battle? and how do I make sure it never happens again? and I became arrogant because I felt that I was searching for answers that leaders far my senior didn't know and seemed content not knowing. I can't explain all that happened that night, I still miss mom like crazy but now it hurts before I buried the hurt with anger. I still believe it is God's will to heal, I believe we lost that battle but I have forgiven the church, I have forgiven myself. And it was a truly humbling thought to realize after three years of angry searching I still didn't have the answers when I needed to fight for Baby Malachi. I gave God my anger, and my arrogance that night I repented and He forgave me. (if I have hurt or offended anyone with all this anger and arrogance I am truly sorry and humbly ask your forgiveness) God has given more answers to the questions I've been asking for over 3 years in the past few weeks than in the whole three years combined. But that is for another post, sorry for the length of this post if you have made it all the way through it, thank you for reading and I hope and pray that God will use my story to encourage and challenge you in your walk with Him. Lord willing I'll post the next part in a couple days.

7 weeks ago

sorry for the long absence, and thank you for all the prayers. For over 3 years now I have been seeking answers for why my mom wasn't healed, after losing the battle for Malachi I was really struggling, it felt like I was in a non-stop battle with depression and my temper was always boiling under the surface (and frequently above the surface). I know that God has been working on me for a while I've been trying to share this journey in my blog but seven or eight weeks ago I was at a breaking point I didn't know where to turn to, many of my friends were tired of my questions it seemed, I had lost respect for most of the church leaders I knew I had nowhere to turn to, so I cried out to God. ( I know all you smart people would have done it sooner and I thought I was but in desperation I cried out and He heard me) And I am not sure if I can put into words all that's happened in the last seven weeks.
God began showing me things, to start with if you had asked me 3 months ago I would have told you I was a serious Christian and that I felt I was fairly radical in my faith but as I was praying God kept giving me one Bible verse I knew it was what He wanted me to preach on but I didn't know what He was trying to teach me so I just kept praying, for two weeks all I got was this one verse, then Saturday night before I was supposed to preach I still only had this one verse. I was willing to get up Sunday and just read that verse, but as I asked God if there was more I kept thinking about some of the stories I'd read in "Voice of the Martyrs" and I felt lead to read "Jesus Freaks" which is unusual because I try to stay away from reading other books as I'm preparing my sermon I want to hear from God not just repeat a author. Yet as I read story after story of people who died for their faith I knew what God was asking me, did I love Him that much, was I that committed to Him? I asked myself what would I have done in these brave Martyrs shoes, would I have stood strong even under torture and death, I didn't know, then it got harder would I remain true if would cost my wife or children torture? up to this point my whole family had been asleep, but then my son woke up and came and crawled in my lap. I gave God my most honest answer I didn't think I was strong enough if they were hurting my son I didn't know what I'd do, at that moment I realized I probably loved my son more than God. And then I felt as though God asked me the question "how did I think I would die for Jesus if I wasn't even willing to live for Him?" some of these fellow believers rejoiced that they were counted worthy to suffer for Jesus, and I don't even want to share my faith at times because I might get laughed at. I have heard horror stories of what happens in some parts of the world if you accept Jesus, your family might disown you and take away your home and jobs or they might torture and kill you. If the cost of being a disciple of Jesus was that high how many of us would choose to follow? Here in America we want every head bowed and every eye closed so no one will know we said a prayer, if we can't even acknowledge being a Christian in church what makes us think we would die for Him? My sermon title "how serious are we?" and I answered for me, in the past I watched movies I'm sure Jesus would not have, I've laughed at jokes Jesus would not have, I've listened to music Jesus would not have, I have not prayed as Jesus would have, etc. How serious was I? serious up to the point I was comfortable. The verse God gave me 2 Timothy 2:19 "Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, the Lord knoweth them that are his. And, let everyone that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity." That night I re-dedicated my life to God not as someone who had left and was coming back to Him but as one who had become complacent and lukewarm as someone who had become good at making excuses for the lack of holiness in my life and I repented for justifying sin in my life. I know I may get labeled as legalistic but there is no place in my life anymore for most of the movies and television shows I used to watch or some of the music I used to listen too. My relationship with Jesus is too precious to risk breaking fellowship with Jesus over the worlds garbage. This was the first step for me and the journey God has taken me on since then has been amazing, so before I get too long winded for anyone too read this I'll share more in the next day or so Lord willing.