what I am struggling with

thanksgiving is over (hopefully just the holiday and not the lifestyle) what a crazy couple of days it was. I was/am struggling with so many questions at the moment, I told myself I would keep them to myself this holiday weekend. And I really did try, almost succeeded too, but both days i ended up asking someone some of the questions I was struggling with, yes I know most of my friends have heard them all a hundred times already (sorry guys). Honestly I can't put into words what I'm going through (and yes I know that God knows) something is happening inside of me, something I can't explain. I have always had questions but never like this, I'm not questioning if there is a God, or if Jesus is God, I know that Jesus is God, that the bible is His divinely inspired word to us. And my questions are not fueled by my "antagonistic" or "abrasive" personality, there is such a discontentment with in me over the complacency I both feel and see. I understand this great and simple truth "Jesus loves me this I know" and I am so grateful and amazed at His love for me, and yet if that is all there is then why do we have five hundred bazillion different denominations. Is it really enough to just be sincere or can you be sincerely wrong? I am told all the time too stop questioning, stop making it so difficult, and I have tried, really really tried, but I can't seem to stop. at times the desire to know, to be all that God calls, and desires me to be is so intense. I can't put it onto words, but I cannot seem to shake this driving, burning feeling that there is more, and yet at other times it seems so easy to let my flesh win. Yes I know that there is a lot (and I man a LOT) of spiritual immaturity in me, but I want to grow, I want to be like Jesus, and if some people are right and I am exactly where God wants me to be then why this discontentment, if all responsibility is on Gods shoulders to drag us kicking and screaming to maturity why is obedience important? If obedience is important than is it important to obey correct doctrine, or just obey something? If correct doctrine is important then what is correct doctrine , because all the doctrines in the churches can't all be right, some of them are polar opposites? And the questions go on and on, but really what I want to know is what would Jesus do, what would Jesus believe, how do I have the relationship with God that He died to provide? I don't want to know truth so I can merely "be right" or win arguments I want to know so it can change my life, I want the truth of Gods word to transform into the image of His dear Son. I want to be like Jesus, not just talk about being like Him. Yes I know that God is the only one who has some of these answers and I need to go to Him alone for them. I actually began this post to share that last night I read "No Compromise" the biography of Keith Green, I couldn't put it down (I finished it at 5:00 this morning) I was challenged like I've rarely been challenged and yet encouraged, as the tears streamed down my face at the tragic yet victorious ending of the book. I am not Keith Green, thankfully God has not called me to be, God has called me to be Nick, but I want to have a Passion for God like he had, I don't want a nice clean religion I want a relationship with God that permeates every area of my life I want to be absolutely and completely sold out to God. And by Gods grace that is exactly what I am going to seek Him for!