Needing God's Wisdom

I must confess I'm still reeling from all that God is doing in me, it is a little overwhelming as a control freak, to be shown how little control you actually have. I am a black and white person, honestly I don't really like gray, I like it when things are either right or wrong. And I spent the majority of my life being raised in a Church that taught things as very black and white, but now I'm not so sure. It' a hard thing (at least for me) when things you've believed for 20 years began to fall into question. For example, I was raised believing it was wrong for a christian to celebrate Christmas something I now disagree with, but what about all these other truths or so-called truths, Christians should not have anything to do with Halloween, should not play D&D, or WoW, or any other RPG, Christians should not read or watch harry potter, Christians should not drink alcohol, Christians should not dance, Christians should not date ( though courtship often looks like dating, in my opinion), Christians should not vote, etc. these were all beliefs I was raised with, and in fairness I can find valid possibly even biblical arguments for some of these beliefs. As a adult I have gone to numerous churches that hold the opposite opinions again with some valid, convincing, and possibly biblical arguments. Now I know some of you are saying these are minor doctrines that don't matter, But what about these beliefs, unless you speak in tongues your not baptized in the Holy Spirit, Divine healing is promised in scripture, you can lose (reject, throw away, etc) your salvation, woman should not be in church ministry, the church today should look like the one in Acts, etc. Are these also just trivial doctrines? and these are just the over-arching doctrines, break them down for a second, woman in ministry, can they be worship leaders but not pastors, pastors but not senior pastors, can they teach Sunday school but not to men, and if so at which age do boys become men? Or take Divine Healing, does God always promise to heal, only sometimes, through the hands of doctors, not at all anymore? All of these are views people hold many of them with a bible verse for why they believe that particular view? These are just a few of the hundreds of questions running through my head, and here is why they are important to me, I want to be like Jesus. If Jesus wouldn't celebrate Halloween I don't want to, if Jesus would vote then I want to do that, I want to represent Jesus to the absolute best of my ability. (actually His ability because it is only through the Holy Spirit I can represent Him at all) WWJD a catch phrase of a few years ago, at one time a popular question, but I actually want to live my life that way not just in the so-called big important issues but in every single area of my life. Because I am convinced that God's way is always the best way. Now here is the kicker that made everything blow up for me, I have believed that if a person was truly living for Jesus as the bible told him or her too, they would look like Jesus with miracles following them (the supernatural, Divine evidence of God being with them) see John 14:12, Mark 16:17-18. But then I read a book by Ravenhill (someone I hold great respect for) and he made a point from Matthew 11:7-11 "....Among them that are born of woman there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist:..." and I don't know of any recorded miracles in Johns ministry, or life. Okay maybe not a earth shattering revelation to the rest of you, but it rocked my world. So as I thought about all of this I thought about all the non-believers I know and if any of them would say I was like Jesus, really and truly like Jesus (when they see how I live, talk, etc do they think " I bet that's what Jesus would have been like when He was on earth") because that's what I want. I want everyone who See's me to see not Nick, but Jesus I want my life to point others to Jesus. Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Now that is the testimony I want! Over the next I don't know how long, I will be exploring some of these views in my blog, with the goal of learning What Jesus would do, I want to know, really and truly know Jesus so that I may by His grace truly be His disciple.