colored glasses

wow, so these last two days God has really been dealing with me on some big things, it's been a little overwhelming to be honest. The last few weeks I have been challenged on what I believe about numerous issues, it felt like everything I believed was being called into question. I actually thought there was a chance my head would explode this morning there was so many questions running through it, but in the midst of all the questions there is a constant it's Jesus. He is the one truth that I am completely sure of, He is, who He said He was, and I can totally rely on Him. He loves me, and wants me to know Him, He is longing, and waiting to build a intimate relationship with me. But there are two things that keep getting in His way, first, my sin, the one He is dealing with me on at the moment is, loving my family.(my lack of doing so is the sin) God has told me to love my wife as He loved the church, something I fail at hundreds of times a day, and to raise my children in His ways, something I'm also good at failing at. Now I'm not saying this under condemnation, regret yes, but not condemnation, because God is showing me that He has a great plan for my life, and family if I would only do it His way. God wants us to see, and show, His love for us, in our family relationships. There can and should be great joy in marriage, and parenting if we do it God's way. So I am going to continue to strive by God's grace and in His strength to love my family the way He has called me to. (Sara, I am sorry for every time I fail to do this, {I know it's a lot} I love you more than words could say and more than my actions sometimes show. and kids I am so glad God has blessed me with you guys I love you with all my heart please forgive me for all the times I fail to model Jesus to you, and love you the way He does)
But the second thing that God has really been dealing with me on is religion, I'll admit I often look at things through my, "religous colored glasses". believing something because, it was the way I was raised, what my church teaches, or maybe because a author I respect believes it. So lately God has allowed, every doctrine and belief I hold to be challenged,(at least it feels that way) and I confess even for a questioner like me, the questions have been totally overwhelming. all of a sudden, it seemed everything I thought I knew was in question, even as I opened my bible I seemed to find more questions than answers, it was the hardest and strangest spiritual desert I've ever gone through. And today in utter desperation as I cried out to God, I told Him I didn't even know who to talk to about what I was going through, and that is where God met me. He showed me that was His plan all along to bring me to a place were all I had was Him. He was taking my religous glasses off, shaking everything so only the things that cannot be shaken would remain. Now I just want to know Jesus, not the baptist Jesus, or the pentecostal Jesus, not my churches Jesus or my family's Jesus; I want to know Jesus as He really is, my hearts cry and my continued prayer will be Jesus please reveal yourself to me, Holy Spirit teach me about Jesus, Father conform me to the image of your dear Son. Above all else may I always seek JESUS.